I can’t focus on that now. No, my focus needs to be on her, on being as honest and forthright as I can be.
I take a deep breath and plunge in. “I haven’t been entirely honest about my sexual preferences.”
Her brow furrows. “Okay.”
I rest my elbows on my knees and lace my fingers. “Before you, I’ve always been…in control of my sexual relationships.”
None of her confusion fades so I try again, trying not to terrify her. “I’m what they call adominant. In bed, I typically control women sexually. Women whowantto give up control.”
“What exactly does that mean?” Her hands are clasped tightly in her lap.
Worry knots my gut. I don’t have much experience explaining this. I always date women who know exactly what they’re signing up for. I hate the way it must sound to Anna, but I’m in the thick of it now, and the only way out is through. “When it comes to sex, the women I’m involved with look to me to guide them.”
She frowns. “I don’t have a problem with that.” She laughs, the sound nervous. “I’m hardly aggressive in bed.”
She isn’t. But she still doesn’t understand. I give her a gentle smile. “But I am.” I meet her eyes, hoping to convey my meaning without filling her with horror. “I can be very demanding.”
She puts her hand on my wrist, her touch light. “Oh, Mason, no, you’re not. You’ve been nothing but a gentleman.”
“Ihavebeen.” I can’t help the hard bark of a laugh that escapes me. “And that’s the problem. It’s not my nature to be gentle. I don’t want to make love. I want to fuck. I don’t want to coax an orgasm. I want to force it. I want to tell you what to do, and have you obey.”
A furious flush spreads over her cheeks, and her fingertips fall from my skin. “Oh.”
I sigh. “I know this is hard to understand, and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. My only excuse is that I usually date women who know what I am, and I wasn’t sure how to broach the subject.”
“So you only date women…” She clears her throat. “Um, like you?”
“In my thirty-two years, other than a girl or two in high school, you’re my only vanilla relationship. I probably shouldn’t have gotten involved with you. I just couldn’t resist.” My knuckles turn white. “I didn’t anticipate falling so fast, and by the time it hit me, I was already in too deep. I thought I could put it aside. Unfortunately, I was wrong. It’s too hard to be with you when my instincts are telling me to take what belongs to me.”
A tiny tremor shakes her shoulders, and she wraps her arms around her chest, plumping her breasts to expose soft flesh—those breasts I’ve forced myself to treat gently when my mind had been filled with ways to tease and torment.
“And you feel this way about me?” Her quiet voice pulls me from my thoughts.
In this I can be honest. “Yes, I do. Far too much. It’s getting hard to restrain myself.”
Her expression clouds. “You’ve been holding back?”
I want to say no, to wipe that look from her eyes, but I have to be honest. A sharp nod. “Yes.”
Her gaze dips to her lap. “I thought that part of our relationship was pretty good.”
I grit my teeth. I can’t resist crooking a finger under her chin and lifting. “Anna, it was very good. I just can’t help wanting more than I think you’d be comfortable with.”
“What does it entail?” Blond curls bounce as she pulls back to study me, cocking her head to the side.
I clear my throat. “That depends.”
“On what?”
I meet her eyes and let her see what I’ve kept locked inside. “On what I want from you at any given time.”
“Can you give me an example?” She nibbles on her bottom lip.
I have a million examples of things that would send her running, but I think it’s best to focus on the feeling instead of the actions. “Tell me, Anna, when I kissed you, did it feel different?”
She nods, color rising high across her cheekbones.
“What was different?”