I take her hand into mine and weave our fingers together, holding them up for her to see. My tattooed hands in her pale unmarred hands. "Like this, it just fit I guess."
"I love that." She says as she takes a sip from her almost empty scotch, the ice clinking the glass from her trembling hands. I want so bad to remove any doubt in her that this was her fault, that she actually believes she paid her dues with her body.
I have been with her so many times, so many. I have watched her with my friends, or shared her with them like the deviant sociopaths we all were back then. It makes sense she takes the blame, sex meant nothing to her back then. Just the life she led. The blinding difference though is she didn’t deserve the violence or the unwelcomed intrusion.
I think of the last time we fucked, how she offered herself to me in pure trust and I feel the pit in my stomach bottom out. "I need to ask you something."
She sighs, drinks the rest of her drink and looks at me. "Okay."
"That night... Christmas after Tay left me. Was that okay? Did I hurt or scare you?" We fucked all night that night, but it was only gentle at the beginning of the first round. It was a god damned debauchery by the time we were both spent. I beat off to the images that night, my fingers in her ass, my tongue in her pussy, the way I railed her over and over.
Now, the glasses are off and everything is clear...no wonder she won’t trust me.
She stands from my lap even though I try to keep her near. She turns and straddles me over the chair. "The night that started a little like this?" She asks and runs her fingers along the side of my beard and over the top of my right ear.
I pull her into me, unable to not be turned on, though I am not ravenous or horney by any guys standards after the night we have had. But this is Jen, my firefly, my dream in the flesh straddling me.
Come on!
"That night, yes."
"That night was more than okay. It was perfect. It was the morning after that sucked."
"Hey!" I say and pull her face to mine. "I haven’t touched Tayla since the day I found out she cheated. Not once. If she ever made you think that by going to the studio to fight. I chose the studio because I am a hateful prick that only now can I attempt being cordial. I needed to protect Axe from hearing it all, or in his case seeing it."
"How did you know I felt like that?" She asks, cupping my face to. Fuck I am a bastard. I want to kiss her.
"Because I know you, better than you think. When you confirmed that when we fought at your place, I knew I was right."
She slides her nails lightly over my beard and I am trying so hard not to rock against her because I am hard as fuck. "I was withfangirlsthough. When we finished the tour, and did the press tour I fucked a plenty, but the minute I came home to you my dick has been on lockdown." I punch up against her, the heat of her killing my restraint. I need to feel her.
"I have only been with you since that awful night." She says and rocks against me until our mouths touch and I crack under the pressure. My hands go into her hair as I palm the back of her head, pulling her closer, my tongue going deeper. Every part of me like a damn demon hell bent on getting her soul.
She pulled back to soon, but her grinding on me didn’t stop as fast. "You asked me that night to fix you..."
I nod and kiss behind her ear, placing my hands on her hips to pull her against me.
"Did it help?" She shivers as she says it and I chuckle.
"Yes. More than you could ever know. The days following were sucky though."
She slaps me lightly on the shoulder. "Don’t copy me."
I pull back and look at her, stop teasing her so that she knows even though I want her that I can stop and give her my attention.
"That night... it saved me from being the cynical sack of shit I was turning into. The minute I touched you, that you let me touch you..." I shake my head to clear the fog of emotions this shit erupts in me. "It proved to me that Tayla wasn’t my life. She and I fell apart months before that and I was clinging to the love we once hadnotthe reality that it was dying. With you, the fire was always there, spanning a damn decade and more. Even when I swore I hated you, under it all I wanted you. It was easy to fight it at first, but as everything changed and we both became better parents, Tay left... I couldn’t fight it anymore. You were there picking up my mess all while working and taking care of Axe. You shouldered everything for me so I could lick my wounds." I kiss her sweet and feather soft on her lips. "There was no denying it after that."
"Caly..." she says and hearing her call me that has my cock seriously pissed off by my refusal to fuck right now.
"That is exactly why you could never deserve to be so brutally raped and destroyed. You’re good Red. You’re so very good."
Jen
I was blown away by his response to why I fight him. I was terrified he would never forgive me and losing him for good was too much to bear. I wanted nothing more right now to be fixed, just as I did for him. For the first time in this thing with Cal though, I didn’t know how to ask him to sandblast everything ugly away and fix me.
"I want so bad to believe that Cal."
His hands trace circles on my back and my hip and though he isn’t trying to get a quick ride in, I feel him hard beneath me and I can’t stop from rolling my hips.