I nod as we wait for the waitress to seat us.
"Can I ask you something CD?" She says and again, I know she says it for my sake, but it makes me sick.
"Only if you never call me that again."
"What? CD?"
I nod, cringing again. "Call me Cal or even Calvin, but not fucking CD."
"Okay Calvin.... why do you hate CD so much?"
"Because it isn’t a name it’s a disk for music. If it was a name then it belongs with some British asshat with blue hair or some shit."
I hate that guy for everything she wants him for. It isn’t fair and it isn’t rational and I don’t give a fuck.
"Sounds personal Calvin."
I darkly chuckle as I scrub my hands on my beard. "You have no fucking idea."
An hour later we sit in the booth drinking coffee and talking business. "So, wait, you want to collaborate on an album with me or Thick as Thieves wants me to collaborate a few songs?"
"Well, that’s where it gets complicated. We are taking some time off for a year or so. Chads wife is about to start her book tour, Noah is moving and at some point, going to get married I am sure. Shame is a new dad and another kid on the way and I have the time, but nothing could be final until I talk to the guys and have their support."
"Do you think they would be okay with it? I mean, it could affect your brand."
I shake my head no as I drink from my coffee. "Most guitarists at my level of skill branch out on projects or guest a spot in a song. It's more that I want their support because my band will always come first. This collaboration will be unlike anything I have ever done, mixing rock with R&B the way I hear it in my head."
"I wish I had that ability. I can write the lyrics and sing but musically, like creating it? I can’t. I can’t hear it in my head, create it and then add the words."
"Don’t let it break your confidence. I can’t write lyrics for shit. I feel that emotion that comes from writing in the composition. Sad, haunting, exciting... I put the emotion into the harmony."
"So, what? You'll write the music and I will write the lyrics?"
"I want to hear some of your stuff before I task you with it, but yeah hopefully."
"You’re kind of arrogant." She says leaning back folding her arms.
"You’re right, I am arrogant. Most definitely when it comes to music. You need to be a little arrogant too or you will get chewed up in this industry." As bad as I want to help her find her brand, her style I can’t pretend it will be easy. I need her to believe in it, find the hunger for it.
"Answer me this. Are you doing this because it is your hobby or is it more?" Her answer will tell me if it’s worth the chance or to walk away.
"Honestly, I think it’s both. I love to sing and create the beats, but I don’t see me as the MTV music awards winner either. It's a hard dream to reach."
I know where she is coming from, but she needs the fire, the desire to make it happen.
"Can I be frank?" I ask and I have had way too much coffee because my fingers are tapping on the edge of the table and my knee bouncing under it. It's excitement and fear equally. Music inspires my life not the other way around. I eat it, breathe it, live it.
"I thought you were being frank?"
I roll my eyes. "Ha, ha. Funny." I say sarcastically and lean forward. "Every musician fears the day they have to stop and follow a different dream. More fail than win in this industry so you have got to find the hunger for it. Be starved for it, survive by it."
"Okay... but help me build that confidence."
"I can help you find the right sound and you’ll find confidence, but you have to believe it."
"What if I suck at writing?" She bites her lip and it has become the quickest sign that she is terrified.
"Well, I doubt you do. You have these weaknesses in the beat butIcan’t see where you want to be.That’sthe hunger. The fact you can write them and sing them au Capella tells me you don’t suck, but its where you need to be hungry."