“I broke up with Adam not even two weeks ago.”
I get that. I truly do. She loved him and was going to marry him. This trip was for her to reset and escape the heartache, and here I am, making a move when I told myself I wasn’t going to do that this soon. That I was going to be patient and wait for her to be ready.
“I didn’t kiss you that night because I knew that when I finally did, I wasn’t going to be a regret. I was going to be your forever. We’ll do this your way, not mine.”
Her eyes search mine, her brow pinched ever so subtly. “You’ve always been my forever. That’s what we are to each other.”
She either doesn’t get it or is intentionally being obtuse. Either way, I have my answer. So I do the only thing I can do. I fucking nod. And it kills me because it feels like the hope I had been starting to cling to just died.
Being in unrequited love with Braelyn for as long as I have has become part of my personality. A character trait or flaw in this case. It’s just who I am at this point. Like how I don’t like bananas because I can’t stand how they smell or that my eyes change colors depending on the lighting or what I’m wearing or that I’m better at listening than speaking, and sometimes it makes me seem like more of a dick, which I’m fine with.
And because of that, I was able to manage it. It was kept in a nice, tidy place. The place where you hide the quirks you’d rather others not know about or see. But I got stupid and let it out of that place, and now it’s grown and festered and taken over, and I wish I could put it back and continue to live with itsimply as background noise instead of the only fucking thing I hear.
Maybe it’s better I’m moving away. Soon, in fact. Less than two months and I’m gone.
Her hand rests over my heart, and I wish we weren’t doing this naked. I already feel too exposed.
“I don’t want to have sex with you out here.”
I blink and tilt my head because she just said she doesn’t want to have sex with me, but finished it with… “Out here?”
“You’d have to hold me the entire time, and that wall is rough with all those stones in it. It’d hurt. Plus it’s not good for the cut on your hand.”
I run my hands up my face and through my hair to clear the water away. “I don’t think I’m following?—”
“Roman, it’s not that complicated. This outdoor shower, while very cool, is probably one of the worst places to have sex unless we do it completely standing up, but like, meh. You’re a lot taller than I am, and the mechanics of that are just all wrong.”
I laugh. Like a full-on belly laugh, which isn’t something I do often, if ever. “You’re right. It would be a lot of fumbling and awkward angles.”
“Exactly. I’m thinking the bed is better.”
Right or wrong, stupid or not, I scoop my best friend, my wife, back up into my arms and walk our wet bodies inside. She laughs at my reaction, but I cut her off with a kiss because she’s taking a chance, and this chance will lead to more. I will make damn sure of it. She has to get there. That’s what all that was. She’s not yet, and that’s fine. I can manage that. But she’s going to try, and that’s more than I can ask for.
The air conditioner hits us, and we shiver, goose bumps breaking out across both of us. I snatch a fresh towel from the towel warmer, and Brae helps me by wrapping it around us.She rubs my hair with it and blots hers, and we both look a little wild, but who cares?
I slip and slide, but then we’re at the bed, and I bring her down sideways across it, falling on top of her and kissing her. I take her wrists in my hand and pin them above her head, forcing her body to stretch out and her tits to angle up into me. A bolt of desire sizzles straight through me and tightens my chest with an unfamiliar excitement.
I’ve never had sex with anyone I cared about emotionally. Yes, I know that’s as fucked up as it sounds—but I’m about to be inside of Braelyn.
In fact, I can hardly catch my breath with it.
“I don’t have condoms in here. I have two in my wallet.”
“I was tested after Adam.”
I pull back. “You were?”
She rolls her eyes at me. “Um, yeah, I freaking was. Wren did it at the hospital.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that.”
“Me too, but it was necessary and everything came out negative.”
I stare down at her, our bodies flush, and my heart is hammering. “I’ve been tested too. And I’ve never not used a condom before.”
Her fingers trickle along my jaw, up to my temple. “I get to be your first, then.”
And I plan to be your last.