With that, she turned around and took Ella into her chamber. Margaret swallowed back her tears over Ella’s rejection and took several deep breaths to calm herself. Before she lost her will to leave, she reminded herself of the long, dark hair she found in the bedclothes, a hair too long to be Finn’s. She was not mistaken as to whose it was. Even the pillow smelled of Curstag.
When she finished packing, Margaret carried the satchel beneath her cloak down to the stables, where she hid it beneath some straw. She did not want the household to find out she was leaving before Finn returned, but having her bag packed and waiting helped her feel committed to her plan.
She went back upstairs and rapped on Una’s door to fetch her daughter.
“Hush,” Una said, sticking her head out. “The poor dearie has cried herself to sleep.”
Margaret sighed.Why not just stab me in the heart, Una?
“Enough of this,” Una said under her breath. Then she came out, shut the door behind her, and signaled for Margaret to follow her into the other chamber. “Now, tell me what foolishness has gotten into your head this time.”
When Margaret told her about finding Curstag’s hair in their bed, Una dismissed it with a wave of her hand, as if swatting at a fly.
“Curstag was probably snooping,” Una said. “She’s a nosey lass, that one.”
“Snooping in the bedclothes?” Margaret said. “I’ve seen her in Finn’s arms more than once. I tried to dismiss it as comforting the widow, but I don’t believe Curstag is grieving all that much.”
“That’s true enough,” Una said with a laugh. “I wouldn’t be surprised if she poisoned Bearach herself.”
“Don’t say that,” Margaret chided.
“Curstag goes after what she wants, which is a lesson ye could learn from her,” Una said. “But this isn’t really about Curstag, now is it? Tell me what’s truly troubling ye.”
Margaret hesitated to unburden herself and share her pain and shame.
“I can’t give him children,” Margaret finally said in a small voice.
“I knew from the start that ye didn’t give birth to Ella because the two of ye were still learning each other’s ways,” Una said, her tone gentle now. “But tell me about these babes ye lost.”
“How did ye know about them?” Margaret asked.
“I saw them when ye were in the healing waters of the faery pool.”
Margaret blinked. Before she could ask how, Una began pressing her with questions about the times she was with child. The old woman clucked her tongue as Margaret admitted how very thin she became during her marriage, how she’d lost a babe during the stress of a raging battle, and how her husband had not waited for her to recover from that miscarriage before she became pregnant that last time.
“I’m an old wise woman, so pay attention,” Una said. “Ye were not meant to have a child with that devil. But that doesn’t mean ye can’t have one.”
“I can’t go through that again,” Margaret said, shaking her head. “And I can’t put Finn through it, either.”
“You’re a strong and healthy lass now,” Una said. “You’ve meat on your bones and a glow to your cheeks.”
She had gained weight, it was true. And she had not felt so well in years.
“At the faery pool, I saw the children ye lost,” Una said in a hushed voice. “And they were smiling because, like me, they saw ye with a babe in your arms.”
Margaret took the handkerchief Una handed her and blew her nose.
“Even if ye don’t believe ye can have children,” Una said, resting her hand on Margaret’s arm, “ye ought to let Finn make his choice.”
“What he chooses now will be different from the choice he makes later.” Margaret turned to face Una. “I know he’s heir to the earldom. I heard Gilbert tell him.”
“He should have told Finn long ago,” Una said. “Finn is like his true father. Once Robin found the lass he wanted, he was true until death.”
Margaret refrained from pointing out that Robin Sutherland had died young and before he gained the earldom.
“You’re still afraid Finn will fail ye,” Una said.
“How do I know he won’t?” Margaret asked.