The news could not be worse.
The weight of disappointment crashing down on her made her realize she had harbored the hope that Finn could convince her to stay. But now, even more than before, she had to leave him.
Because she knew from bitter experience about men and their ambitions. She wanted to believe Finn was different, that he would not be willing to cast aside loyalty, honor, and those he loved. But if he would fight for a rival clan and kidnap an innocent woman for a chance to own a small bit of land, what would he do to gain the riches and power of an earldom?
The more power men had, the more they wanted—and the more casualties they left behind. Even if Finn tried to resist, an earl would inexorably be drawn into court intrigues and shifting alliances, the dangerous games of the most powerful men. She hated that life. If she had wanted it, she would have stayed with her brothers.
Even if she were willing, an earl’s first duty was to sire heirs. Not having an heir with so much land and power at stake caused wars and chaos over succession. An earl could even claim it was his duty to set aside a barren wife. Finn may not know it now, but after fighting to gain an earldom, he wouldwanta son to leave it to.
She leaned her head back against the wall. Somehow, the dream of a quiet and happy home with Finn and Ella and a love that lasted forever had crept into her heart without her knowing it and against her better judgment. If it was not utterly hopeless before, it was now.
She suddenly realized she had been standing outside the door far too long. Before she could gather her wits to run up the stairs, Finn opened the door.
“I was just going to see if your father needs anything,” she managed to say.
“I have to leave Helmsdale for a bit,” he said in a low voice. “I could be away for a few days.”
She wondered if he was already going out to gather Sutherland men to his cause.
“I can’t blame ye for not wanting to be my wife.” He gripped her hand and stared intently into her eyes. “But promise me ye won’t leave while I’m gone.”
“Oh, Finn, it’s not that I don’t—” She cut herself off. The pain in his blue eyes tugged at her heart, but it would not serve either of them to tell him how she felt about him. “I’ll be here when ye return. I promise.”
“We’ll talk then,” he said. “If ye still want to leave me, I’ll see ye safely to the MacKenzies.”
He turned to go down the stairs. She just could not let him go yet.
“Finn!” she cried.
When he turned around, she threw herself into his arms and held him, not knowing if she would ever hold him like this again.
“Be careful,” she said. “I’ll be here waiting for you.”
Before she broke down into tears, she released him and started up the stairs. When she was out of sight, she paused until she heard his footsteps, then she turned back for one last look.
“Goodbye, my love,” she whispered as she watched Finn disappear down the stairs.
CHAPTER 28
Margaret surreptitiously wiped her tears away as she packed, hoping Ella would not see them. She wanted to be ready to leave when Finn returned.
Ella tugged at her skirts. “Why do ye weep?”
“Because it makes me sad to say goodbye to our new friends here,” Margaret said, stooping down to talk to her daughter. “We’re going to go live with my sister.”
“Don’t want to!” Ella said and stamped her foot.
Margaret was taken aback. Ella was always so compliant. She’d hoped that Ella would feel safe enough to throw a tantrum like other children did on occasion, but now was not the best time.
“I know, sweetling,” Margaret said. “But sometimes we must do things we don’t want to.”
“Want to stay here!” Ella shouted, clenching her little fists.
“What’s all this blathering about?” Una said from the doorway.
Ella ran to Una and wrapped her arms around her leg. When the old woman picked her up, Ella buried her face in Una’s chest and refused to look at Margaret.
“I see you’re packing again.” Una narrowed her eyes at the satchel, then turned her glare on Margaret. “You’d leave Finn now?Ach, I thought better of ye.”