“Nah, he’s okay once you get to know him.”
“Well, let’s get this fucking show on the road then.” Caleb pushes out his chest, then clasps his large hands together, and I can’t help laughing. He frowns at me. “What?”
“Nothing. Just… don’t ever change, Caleb.” I take a mental photo of how he looks right this second, standing in my bedroom, his face all honest and kind, his hair teasing his forehead. He doesn’t say anything. Instead, he heads toward the boxes next to my mattress and quietly starts unwrapping the boards for the bedframe. When I attempt to help him, he shoos me out of the room, and I don’t object. It feels too nice having someone here for me.
For the next hour, Caleb transforms my mess of a bedroom while I start preparing dinner. I grabbed groceries on the way home from work, and nearly didn’t make it out of theAnchor Point Market, constantly running into people I knew way back when or who know my parents. It was nice, though. If people found it weird that I’m now Kayden Somner instead of Kaitlyn Somner, I didn’t notice. I know it won’t always be like that, but today’s been a good day both at work and at the store.
I’m making fish tacos, which just so happen to be Caleb’s favorite. I blend my own salsa out of green chili peppers, tomatoes, and fresh coriander. I squeeze in some lime juice too, and soon my kitchen feels like a real kitchen, the scent of spices lingering in the air. I put on the latest album by my favorite band,The Emberline, and sway my hips to the music. I hum along to the soft, folky beat and lose myself in preparing the food. Emily and I used to cook all the time in Boston to save money, but since I’ve returned home, I’ve been eating at Mom and Dad’s place or getting takeout. It feels good to cook again. To cook forsomeone.
“Something smells damn good in here.” Caleb grins at me from the door, wiping his forehead with the back of his hand. He leans his hip against the frame, looking all relaxed and at home.
“Fish tacos. You want a beer?” I gesture toward the fridge as I hold up my sticky hands. “Help yourself.”
“Thanks.” Caleb moves behind me, his chest brushing up against my back. When he leans over my shoulder, his breath is hot against my neck. Before I know it, he’s snatched a slice of red pepper, stuffing it into his mouth. He hums as he chews, then licks his lips. He’s so close. I can smell his cologne and a hint of fresh sweat, and suddenly it’s like my body forgets that he’s Caleb, my dad’s best friend, and my new boss. He’s just a guy, like I’m just a guy. He’s so fucking gorgeous and smells like everything sinful and delicious. It’s been so long since I’ve been with another person, since I’ve kissed someone, or felt their body against mine. It was only a few times, with people I trusted, like my study partner Eric, and yet my body remembers the feeling, the closeness, the want. The few times I’ve allowed myself to let my guard down and get off with someone in real life and not just a faceless stranger on an app, it left me wanting more, so much more. I never went all the way with someone, just some heavy make-out sessions that left me a panting mess, but I want to someday, with the right guy.
I suck in a breath, focusing on the present moment and the plate of fish and shrimp in front of me. I force my voice to sound somewhat unfazed. “How are you getting along with the bed?” I pick up a piece of cod and dip it into the flour, then into the whipped egg.
“Real good. I’m digging the wood,” Caleb drawls, before he, thank God, moves away from me. “Pine? Smells like pine.” He opens the fridge and hums as he takes out two beers. The bottles clink against each other, and cool air hits me from behind.
“Yeah. White pine,” I swallow, coating the fish in breadcrumbs before I throw it on the sizzling hot frying pan.
“Good choice. Here.” Caleb sets the beer on the kitchen counter next to me before he takes a long pull from his bottle. “I should be done before we eat, and I’ll put up the lights after. Then you’re good to go, K.” He waggles his eyebrows suggestively.
“Shut up.” I shake my head, and my bangs fall into my face. I try to shake them out of my eyes, but they keep tumbling back. My fingers are covered in a sticky mess of eggs and breadcrumbs. I blow at the wayward lock until Caleb’s fingers brush against my forehead. He sweeps the hair out of my eyes carefully, then tucks the rogue strands behind my ear.
“There,” he says, the tips of his fingers lingering against my earlobe. “Shit, K. I can’t get over those fucking curls. You’re gonna drive the guys in Colchester batshit crazy.”
“Colchester?” I hardly recognize my own voice, so thick and raspy. I feel faint. Caleb tugs at my ear fondly, just once, then removes his hand. I miss his touch instantly. I try to tell myself that it’s not his touch that I crave, but just any man’s. That it’s because I’ve gone too long without physical closeness, but somehow, I don’t think that’s quite true. I’ve never had this kind of reaction to anyone before, so instant and overwhelming, like a full-frontal attack on all my senses.
“Yeah. There’s a gay bar in Colchester.The Home Base.”
“Oh. I didn’t know that.” Colchester is the closest city, about a forty-five-minute drive away, and there sure wasn’t a gay bar before I went off to college. Not that I would’ve had the courage to go there anyway.
“Yeah. It’s good fun. We should go sometime. I’ll be your designated driver slash wingman.”
We should go sometime.I gaze at Caleb out of the corner of my eye. The idea is ludicrous. Or at least it should be, right? The idea of going to a gay bar with my dad’s best friend. A guy who’s seen me in diapers. A guy who’s eighteen years older than me. A guy I’m undeniably attracted to. And still, I hear myself whisper, “Yeah, okay. Maybe,” as I flip the fish around on the pan, then take a long sip from my beer.
“Cool.” Caleb leans in, his face so close to mine I can smell the sweetness of the beer on his breath. He snags a slice of red onion and grins at me. “Better get back to work. You wanna eat on the balcony?” He nods at the two chairs on the other side of the kitchen counter. “We could grab the chairs. It’s a nice evening.”
“Okay.”
“Great. I’ll stack some of the boxes as a makeshift table.” He swipes his beer from the counter and walks backward toward the hallway. “If you want, we can head down to the garden center on Saturday. They’re having a sale this weekend. We’ll get you set up with a small table and some chairs. For your balcony. It’ll look great.” Before I can reply, Caleb spins on his heel, and then he’s gone, his heavy steps echoing down the hallway.
The scent of his cologne hangs in the air around me, and I close my eyes briefly. Caleb’s always been a caretaker. A fixer. Someone who would give you the coat off his back. That’s why everyone loves him.
For so long, life’s been a struggle. One strenuous step after another up a hill that I often thought I’d never see the top of. So much doubt and frustration, even times when I hated myself. Emily was there, of course, Mom and Dad, too, but it feels different with Caleb. He makes it feel…easysomehow. Like life can be easy, effortless. He treats me like he’s always treated me, and it feels nice to have someone to lean on who’s not my parents. Someone who cares and is just there with his solid presence. It gives me this odd sense of hope that maybe there’s someone out there like Caleb, some guy just for me. Someone I can relax with and build a life with one day. Someone who’ll have my back, and I’ll have his in return. Maybe if I look hard enough, I’ll find him, or he’ll find me. Because it definitely can’t be Caleb. That’s the worst fucking idea ever.
Chapter Six
Caleb
“You’re such a liar!” Kayden laughs even harder, tears clinging to his dark blond eyelashes. The sun disappears into the ocean behind him, and he’s illuminated by the remaining light, his curls glowing like a halo around his bright face.
“I’m not lying. Just ask your mom. It’s the honest-to-God truth.” I cross my heart solemnly.
We finished dinner ages ago, but we continue to sit on Kayden’s tiny balcony, our empty plates on the makeshift cardboard table, trading stories from when Sal and I were in high school and then later, when Kayden was a kid.
“How do you even come up with shit like that? You just pull it out of your ass?” Kayden’s gaze shifts between his plate and my face. I love it when he laughs. It’s like his whole body becomes alive, one wave after another rippling through his chest, until the sound bubbles so vivaciously and uninhibitedly from his lips. There’s nothing like it. It feels like the first day of spring when everything explodes in a cacophony of colors and sounds. He didn’t always laugh like this, but now, since he’s come back, it’s like this huge weight has been lifted from his shoulders. I know what it is, of course, I just never expected how I’d react to it or how I’d react to Kayden owning himself like he does right now, at this very moment. With such raw beauty and immense strength. With such pride. I’m in awe.