“Don’t go,” she requested, her voice laden with sleep. “Come here.”
The idea crossed his mind that the gentlemanly thing to do would be to let her rest. But when she pulled the blanket off and reached both arms out, inviting him so beguilingly, he couldn’t resist.
For a while, they lay quietly with Aditi spooned into him until she sighed loudly. “I can almost hear you think.”
“Sorry.”
She turned towards him, snuggling closer, her palm landing on his chest. “Your heart is racing.”
“Hmm.”
“Talk to me.”
Rian didn’t know what to say. He would sound foolish and overly dramatic if he said he had a lingering sense of doom and it had him worried. So, he told her about something more tangible.
“Remember I mentioned wanting to build a school?” He heard her hmm in response. “I got the drawn plans for it today.” He pulled out his phone from his pocket, swiping through the screen to show her the initial mock-ups from the architect.
“These designs look beautiful!” Aditi exclaimed.
“I’ve been working on them for a long time. It’s my dream. I need to make this happen.”
“You will.”
Her inexorable belief in his capacity touched him.
“I wish the investing board was as easy to convince as you,” he complained, turning his phone off to place it on the nightstand.
“Did someone indicate an issue?”
Rian lay back, absentmindedly stroking her hair, now truly dwelling on this part of his life. “Not to me directly. Most of the board members are supportive but I’ve heard the feedback that my proposal lacked heart, whatever that means.”
“Maybe,” Aditi supposed after a while, “they need to understand your reason for building the institute.”
“My reasons are selfish, Doc. I wanted to leave something good for people to remember me by when I die. I don’t think anyone is going to give me money for that.”
“Brushing aside the very morbid thought of you dying, if you’re in it for just a good name, why not create a shelter for abused animals instead? Why a school, specifically?” Aditi questioned, her fingers drumming a gentle pattern on his chest.
Rian had never sat down and thought about it. He had felt strongly about this project when the idea had first occurred, but he’d never probed into his reasons. Aditi's question made him feel nervous. Like he was being asked to admit to something that he’dgotten too used to hiding, even from himself. Before he could say anything else, he heard Aditi’s sleepy voice murmur her theory.
“It’s obvious, Bugs. I know it isn't easy to talk about it but you should. You suffered with school. You were made to feel lesser because you learnt things differently. It's no surprise to me that you want to build a place for safe learning to break that cycle of trauma.”
She turned her head in to place a kiss on his chest, resting her chin so she could glance at his face.
“You can say it's selfish. I always believe it takes strength to create something beautiful from painful experiences. And you, sweetheart, are a wonderfully strong man.”
Rian could hear his pulse drumming in his ears by the time Aditi finished speaking. Every word had etched itself into his skin, like a tattoo he would wear forever.
He hadn’t been able to voice it, but Aditi, with her uncanny ability to see him in a way that no one else ever had, including himself, had reached into him, past the facade of his confidence, glimpsing into his very soul with an ease that felt otherworldly.
He cradled her cheek tenderly, his sights flickering over her features, too afraid to blink in case she was a figment of his imagination. Because how was she real? How had he gotten lucky enough to have her in his life, and in his arms? The fierceness of his need for her, like she was his saviour, ripped through him. At that moment, Rian knew without a doubt that if Aditi ever left him, he would be reduced to a shadow of who he wanted to be. The notion was terrifying.
Maybe she sensed a change in him because the sleep in her eyes receded, replaced by an alertness that wasn’t there before.
Aditi saw Rian's eyes drop to her lips, watching her with a look she had come to recognize well. What confused her was that he wasn't doing anything else. Not touching her, not kissing her. Just looking.
A split second later, she wiggled out of his embrace.
“Doc?” he asked, sitting up, wondering if she needed something.