“You have met his mother now,” she said, deciding that revealing the many ways in which Leela had scarred Rian might make Aditi understand him better. “You cannot imagine what Rian had to deal with growing up.”
“I don’t have to imagine,” Aditi sniffed, still wiping her red nose. “He told me everything.”
“Everything?” Chitra gasped, shocked by this revelation. More and more, it became clear to her that Aditi and Rian had formed a bond that was deeper than anyone realised.
“If he has told you this, he trusts you. Has he ever flinched from your touch?”
Aditi shook her head.
“Because of Leela,” she continued, “he stopped wanting physical contact for a long time. Even now, on occasion, it takes him a moment to relax and respond when I initiate a hug. I can count on one hand the number of people he is comfortable with to not find their touch offensive. Believe me, none of them got there in just a few months like you have.”
Aditi would have never guessed that. Apart from the first couple weeks when he avoided her like she was disease ridden, he had never behaved like her touch was troublesome. Sure, he’d been a little hesitant and stiff, careful even. But she’d chalked it up to the newness of their friendship.
Through their late-night street food dates to their tense arguments to now, the intensity and frequency of their touch had only increased.
“Please, give him time,” Chitra earnestly requested. “He is capable of deep love. As he has shown you trust, please trust him, too.”
33
Trust
Rian
Hands shoved within thepockets of his sweatpants, Rian walked along the edges of his large balcony. He spun on his heel without thinking when he reached one end, continuing his stroll to the other side. Anyone observing him would have thought he was simply winding down after a long day. In reality, his mind was occupied with an unexplainable worry.
Raking a hand through his hair, his gaze travelled upwards to catch sight of the clouds shifting across indigo skies. The heat of the day had slowly abated, yet the atmosphere felt stuffy. He took a deep breath in, releasing it in a slow stream through pursed lips. With his elbows resting against the top of his railing, he looked out. The glittering skyline of Mumbai that formed his view did not offer him the same comfort that it previously did.
Yet again, he glanced behind at the loveseat that Aditi usually occupied. Without her tawny legs dangling over the edge of the seat, her floral scent in the air and her chatter to make him laugh, thisotherwise restful space only felt empty. He knew why. His comfort was with Aditi now, not with places.
The old Rian would have smacked him for being so mortifyingly pathetic. He may as well put himself on a leash because he was no different than a canine tethered to his owner when it came to the woman he loved.
He sighed, his hand unconsciously massaging the centre of his chest, trying hard to let go of this anxiety that had taken root in him.
The day had begun well enough. After an entire weekend filled with glorious lovemaking and in-depth discussions of their future, they’d been ready to face the world together. Though Aditi had been nervous, Rian had had no doubts whatsoever that Nanamma would be happy for them. Which is why, when he’d returned home with the yoghurt Aditi had insisted he purchase for dinner, he’d not expected to find her distraught and crying in his grandmother’s arms.
Nanamma, as he’d expected, had not only been ecstatic about their relationship status, but also emotional. Aditi had cried in relief, she’d explained. He’d given both the ladies the benefit of doubt, trying to turn their mood around to celebrate the occasion instead.
Throughout the evening however, he’d had the unsettling feeling that something was amiss.
Knowing he would find no relief if he didn’t check in on her, Rian made his way to Aditi’s room, knocking gently on the door. He waited, aware that she’d been tired and had most likely slept already. His fingers curled around the door handle, hesitating for a moment before he turned it, glad when he found it unlocked.
Quietly, he slipped into her room, shutting the door behind him with a small click. His eyes alighted upon a lumpy form under the comforter. He treaded lightly, the soft lights diffusing through the sheer curtains guiding him until he was kneeling beside her. He noted that she was rolled up into her blanket like a caterpillar, her cheek squished against the pillow, causing her mouth to settle into a pout. Automatically, he felt the edge of his lips tug up. Even asleep,Aditi was the most adorable woman he’d ever laid eyes on. The sweet innocence of her soul kept him enthralled and in this moment, unaware of the world, her vulnerability seemed to reflect on her face.
It was perhaps because he knew this side of her that he found it so heartbreaking to see her upset. Maybe this is why he felt like he'd hurt the world to keep her safe.
He unthinkingly traced a heart on the apple of one cheek, her skin warm to the touch.
His mind flashed back to her tear-stained face and immediately, the pressure within his chest grew. She’d assured him it had been just her nerves acting up. He hoped that truly was it.
Maybe his thoughts had been too loud because a moment later, Aditi stirred.
“Bugs?” she murmured, surprising him when her eyes opened slowly before fluttering shut. He waited, wondering for a second if she’d gone back to sleep. Ever so slowly, her lips curved. “You’re here.”
Her eyelids swept open and shut a few more times as she drowsily watched him.
“Good night, pretty girl,” he whispered, bending over to press his lips against her temple.
He felt a small hand clutch his pinky when he got up to leave.