Her eyes threw daggers at him.
“Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Rian Shetty.”
He grumbled under his breath, the stubborn set of his jaw telling Kaya that she was in for a long tug of war. She was unused to obstinacy in him, but she was no less tenacious.
“Humour me,” she proposed, praying for patience. “How does what you feel for Aditi compare with how you felt about me?”
“It doesn’t. You were sad and angry for so long, unwilling to let anyone close. I didn’t know how to help you. It was worrisome—no offence.”
“None taken. What about Aditi?”
Rian sat back, his mind automatically recalling the times he spent with her. Almost instantly, the stress lines on his face relaxed.
“She said once that she’s the sunshine to my grumpiness and I believe her. She makes me laugh with her ridiculous puns and positive outlook. She’s uncomplicated and uninhibited. She makes me want to be like her. Free.”
Kaya nodded, seemingly following him. “And how do you feel without her now?”
“Suffocated.” The ache of not having her with him returned. “Fuck, I miss her so much. How did you stay away from Arjun for so long?”
Kaya shot him a small smile, one that spoke of a long journey, and possible regrets.
“I didn’t love him then,” she confessed frankly. “I can’t imagine being separated from him now. I was also very afraid. Don’t be like me, please."
He sighed.
“Do you not love her?” she asked.
“Of course I love her. I even told her as much. I doubt she believed me. Hell, after the shit I was spewing, I wouldn’t believe me either. I hurt whoever I love. This just proved it. I’m cursed.”
“Cursed?”
Insecurities and doubts that he’d successfully concealed within him for years were too close to the surface today to remain hidden. Perhaps he was simply exhausted, because he heard himself say, “My dad, Nanamma, you. I bring the blight of my twisted relationship with my mother upon whoever I love.”
“I don’t understand,” Kaya frowned.
“I was responsible for what my mother did to you.”
“No, you weren’t.” The immediate denial was laced with a flippancy that spoke of her utter belief that Rian was simply being dramatic. When the seriousness on his face didn’t fade, she sobered up, the hair on her nape rising.
“She was cheating on my father,” he revealed, swallowing the bile that arose when he recalled memories he wished he could erase. “Maybe I was too young to understand the impact, maybe I thought it would get her in trouble, but I told my dad. He died a few months later, heartbroken. I could have saved him the misery if I’d just kept my mouth shut. Nanamma was sent away because I wouldn’t listen to my mother. She was forced to live away from her true home, with an ailing husband who she lost in the same year as her son. That was my fault.”
“What does any of that have to do with me?” Kaya wondered out loud. “You were eight years old when you lost your father. We didn’t meet until you were, what? Sixteen or seventeen?”
Rian felt her gaze land upon him with unexpected weight. A fog of fear clouded him, momentarily making him wonder if he should remain silent. He stood to lose not just Kaya now, but the friendships she’d brought with her. He would lose Arjun and Vihaan too if Kaya turned him away.
“Rian?”
Move on from the past,he heard Aditi’s voice urge him. This was one way to do it.
“It was one of those shitty parties she had with her equally bitchy friends,” he began, trying to find the words in him to explain thisimportant part of their shared past. “They were talking about this new family who was joining their prestigious ranks. Not old money, so Leela of course thought they were beneath our notice.”
“My family?”
He nodded.
“I knew if I dated you, it would piss her off. Hurt her pride. I wanted to embarrass her.” He couldn’t say more. Her expressions made it obvious that she understood the implications of what he’d confessed. The silence between them seemed to stretch endlessly as Kaya stared outwards, possibly reliving old memories. The fact that he was too ashamed to continue looking at her had him expecting the worst.
“That’s why you befriended me?” she questioned him, her voice strained.