"I moved to Dublin to get away from being that kid," I say. "But I'm still hiding from it."
"I know, and I understand why. But maybe it's time to stop hiding and start living instead."
"I don't know if I know how."
"Yes, you do. You choose her, you show up, and you let yourself be vulnerable even when it's scary. That's how you live, Rush. That's how you build something real."
We're quiet for a second, then she says, "You know that everyone here loves you, right? Me and Seri, Octavia and Digger, Ruby. We all believe in you."
"I know."
"Then start believing in yourself. You're not that punk-ass kid anymore. You're Rush. You're a patched member of the Fury Vipers. You have a home, you have family. Don't let fear steal that from you."
Tears sting my eyes. "Thank you, Es."
"Anytime, sweetheart. That's what family is for. Now go to her, tell her you want her, and stop overthinking it."
"What if I mess it up?"
"Then you apologize and you do better. But you won't know unless you try."
We talk for a few more minutes, and when we hang up I feel different.
Not fixed, not healed.
Decided.
I've spent eight years choosing safety and it's gotten me nowhere.
Maybe it's time to choose risk instead.
My phone buzzes and I glance at the screen. It's Ciara.
Ciara: Hey, you good? Haven't heard from you in a bit.
I type back.
Me: Yeah, I'm good. Just dealing with some stuff.
Ciara: Anything I can help with?
Me: No, I've got it. Thanks though.
Ciara: Okay, well I'm around if you need anything. Coffee this week?
Me: Maybe. I'll let you know.
Ciara: Sounds good. Take care of yourself.
I set my phone down. Ciara's been a good friend since I moved to Dublin–always there when I need to talk, always solid, never pushing for more than friendship. I'm lucky to have her in my corner.
I grab my keys and head out. The ride to Everly's flat is cold and fast.
My mind is quiet for once—no second-guessing, no spiraling.
Just the certainty that I'm done holding back.
I text Everly when I'm outside.