“I’m a very committed educator,” I said, my tone serious. “If I’m going to lie, I do it properly.”
His gaze lingered on me for a moment longer than the joke required. “Good.”
The way he said it made it clear he wasn’t talking about CDs anymore, and suddenly my thoughts were tripping over themselves, and there was a fluttering deep in my belly.
This is ridiculous.
I was a grown man. I’d travelled to another country. I’d spent the better part of two days walking around a city with someone I barely knew.
And yet standing here, in the quiet of his apartment, this felt like the most dangerous part.
Now I was aware of my hands, my breathing, the way everything suddenly felt too sharp.
Stefan didn’t close the distance between us, but watched me with an intensity that didn’t help.
“You’re nervous,” he said.
I shuddered out a breath. “That obvious, huh? And there was me, aiming for calm nonchalance.” I looked at the records, the books, the prints on the wall, anywhere but at Stefan.
“It’s not a problem.”
I jerked my head in his direction. I didn’t see expectation in those blue eyes, only calm.
He took a step towards me. “We don’t have to do anything, you know. We can sit down, have a drink, watch something.” He smiled. “Listen to music.”
“You’d be fine with that?”
“Yes.” There was no hesitation, no negotiation, and something inside me loosened a little.
I let out a slower breath this time. “Okay.”
“Do you want a drink? You didn’t get to finish the one at the bar.”
I glanced at the shelf containing several bottles. “Is that spiced rum? I have the same brand at home. A small glass of that would be good.”
Stefan gestured towards the couch. “Sit.” Then he went into the kitchen.
His departure brought everything rushing back in. What this space was. What might happen next. My hand went to the hem of my T-shirt—and froze. Suddenly I was aware of myself in a way I hadn’t been all evening. I wasn’t a small guy, but neither was Stefan. What consumed me was what he was about to see.
I was covered in hair. My chest, my stomach, shoulders, back…
Canal Street flickered through my mind without invitation. The lean, smooth bodies, sculpted in a way that had always felt like a quiet, unspoken standard.
I’d never fitted into that.
Diana’s voice surfaced just as quickly.Berlin seems to be filled with a lot of gay men who look exactly like you.I’d kind of half believed her, because I’d seen a few photos. But now?
Now I was sitting in the apartment of a man I wanted, very much aware I had no idea what he wanted in return.
Don’t think about it. Let things… happen.
I took several breaths, forcing calm into my body. The quiet space around me helped, especially the?—
How did I not see that?
A piano sat under one of the windows, dark and sleek.
Stefan returned, carrying two small glasses, and I pointed to it. “I didn’t even see that when I came in here.”