For whatever reason, you chose me.
You say it feels more real than anything else lately. That’s because there’s no performance here. No one else gets the unedited version unless you let them. I’m not interested in sharing my privilege.
— Sasha
Thingswerenotgoingto plan, and I wasn’t a fan. She was not supposed to be this … intriguing. Thisinteresting.
I had nothing but time in here, and she was on my mind. Constantly, relentlessly. I suddenly found myself looking forward to her letters, wanting more, craving to know everything there was to know about her.
One could argue my interest stemmed from the scarcity of options available to me. It had been years since I’d spoken to a woman, let alone touched one — except for my mother, who visited occasionally.
She was devastated by the turn my life had taken, yet she was utterly powerless to change it. Any power sheused to have over my fate vanished into thin fucking air the day it happened.
I loved my mother — otherwise I wouldn’t be in here — but she undoubtedly had the worst taste in men. Her beauty was her downfall in many ways.
First, it earned her the attention of my father, a high-ranking Bratva soldier, when she was no older than sixteen — resulting in me. Once he tired of her, she moved on to a never-ending parade of businessmen who only wanted her as arm candy.
Arguably the worst choice was her last husband, whose track record rivaled my mom’s. Problem was, he had wanted not only a trophy wife but also a punching bag.
Except he hadn’t taken his latest victim’s adult son into account. I was only eighteen at the time, but I was already six-foot-four and weighed almost 250 pounds, and I had slight anger issues.
I was suspicious from the moment I met Hunter, the son of her latest husband. He was several years younger than me, extremely intelligent, and yet so jaded already, it didn’t sit right with me.
I almost lost my shit at him when my mom tried to hug him and he recoiled violently. But then I saw the look in his eyes and suddenly I knew something wasn’t right. The boy barely spoke and refused to let anyone touch him.
My instincts never led me astray.
I tried to get my new little stepbro to confide in me but that fucker already had his pokerface mastered and didn’t trust easily, and he never talked about the night his mom died.
Hunter eventually told me during one of his visits what actually happened, and fuck, I couldn’t even blame him for not telling me sooner.
So, I kept watching, my suspicions growing with each passing day until I caught Steven Rhodes, the oh-so-respectable businessman, laying a hand on my mom.
It was clear this hadn’t been the first time it happened, with her or in general. He was smug when I confronted him, condescending and oh-so-confident there wouldn’t be any consequences for him.
In his arrogance, he even boasted about killing Hunter’s mother and threatened my mother with the same fate.
I fucking snapped. Completely lost it and knocked the smirk off his face. I pounded his face to a fucking pulp until he was unrecognizable, until the cops pulled me off his limp form.
He never woke up again and even though I ended up in Blackwood, I never regretted what I’d done, not for a single second.
Mom and I never had the big conversation — the one where we talked about blame or regrets. It was better thisway. Nothing could change the outcome, and I didn’t want it to. I’d never regret protecting my family.
Even though none of this was supposed to happen, it had led me to this point, led me to Addy. I hadn’t expected her but I was nothing if not adaptable. Came with the territory. So while this recentfixationI’d developed was mildly irritating and a tad inconvenient, I was used to rolling with the punches.
At first, I dismissed Addy as a mere distraction, a convenient diversion from the monotony of my confined life. But with every letter, she drew me in more and more until I was completely hooked.
Even as a kid, I used to have problems with becoming fixated on certain things to the point of obsession. When I wanted something, Iwantedit, and I accepted no obstacles in my path.
This had never applied to people before — this part was entirely new — but I knew myself well enough to understand this attraction was neither fleeting nor a passing whim.
No one had ever intrigued me as much as this woman.
I knew what the fuck I wanted, and I was never wrong.
Addy wouldn’t derail my plans, but she might yet become part of them. Before it could come to that, though, I had to do some digging.
Or rather, I had to delegate and have someone else do the digging for me.