I bit my lip before asking the question that was nagging at me. “Do you think you’ll miss it?”
He lifted his head to stare at me, hurt shining in his eyes. “I thought we weren’t talking about what comes next.”
Confusion swelled for a moment before I realised. “Not the sex, you muppet. The army.”
“Oh.” As easy as that, he was relaxed again, snuggling back into my neck like he belonged there. Maybe he did. “I thought we’d discussed this already.”
“I’d like to discuss it again.” I toyed with the hair onthe back of his neck. “It was such a big part of your life. All of your adult years were spent in the military. Surely you must miss some aspects.”
He considered it, which made me feel better. If he’d answered flippantly, I would’ve continued to doubt him. “No, I don’t think so. Even if I did, it wouldn’t be enough to make me sign up again.”
“How can you be so sure?”
“Because I’d miss you more.” He sat up, all traces of fatigue vanishing as his serious gaze bored into me. “I’ve lived without you in my life for far too long, Shadow. I don’t want to do that again.”
I looked away, pretending to find the woods very interesting. “Joining the army doesn’t necessarily mean not having me in your life, Dominic. It never did. You’re the one who never reached out, not the other way around.”
“That doesn’t mean I didn’t think of you. I did, Ry. You were all I ever thought about.”
I stayed silent. I wanted to believe him, I did.
“You might be able to cope with the long distance, but I don’t think I’d be able to. Now that I’m back to seeing you every day, I don’t want that to change.”
“I thought we weren’t talking about this,” I said belatedly, ignoring the fact that it was me who’d dragged us down this particular avenue. “We’re living in the moment, remember?”
“Shadow.” Dom’s fingers touched my chin until I looked at him. “I can’t act like I don’t want more with you. Just because we aren’t talking about it, doesn’t change that that’s what I want. My future is you. Us. I’m not going to sit here and pretend otherwise.”
A shiver went through me, and I didn’t think it had anything to do with the chill in the air.
Dom sighed. “You don’t believe me, do you? You still think I’m going to change my mind.”
“I want to believe you,” I whispered. “More than anything. But it’s hard.”
“I know,” he said softly. “I hurt you. I’ll never stop being sorry for that. And I don’t expect you to be ready now. I’ll wait, Shadow. For as long as you need.”
Neither of us mentioned the deadline hanging over us. The aisle I was due to walk down in just a few days.
“That’s hardly healthy behaviour.”
“Nothing about my feelings for you is healthy,” Dom said roughly. “But I still wouldn’t change a thing.”
The most fucked-up part was that I wouldn’t change anything either. If I could go back to that night, I’d still drop to my knees. Because the truth was that I couldn’t imagine my life without Dom in it. For better or worse, he’d shaped me into the man I was today.
“Enough of the deep shit.” Dom stretched his long limbs. “How about you make good on your promise to fuck me?”
I snorted a laugh. “Your ability to shift back to sex so quickly astounds me.”
Dom gave me a cocky grin. “Are you saying you don’t want me, Shadow?”
Heat roared through me as I tracked how his tongue darted out over his lip. I grabbed his throat lightly, bringing my mouth to within an inch of his. He sucked in a breath, his pupils dilating.
“Unless you want to get fucked on this bench,” I breathed, my eyes flicking between his. “You’d better get yourself indoors in the next thirty seconds, because I’m done waiting.”
Despite my threat,I didn’t rush while prepping Dom. He was trusting me with his first time, and I took that as seriously as an oath. Nothing about this was going to hurt him, or even make him uncomfortable.
I was determined that he’d enjoy every second.
I’d started our foreplay in the shower, caressing every inch of his skin under the pretence of washing him. Then I’d given up the pretence by shoving him up against the tiles and rimming him. By the time this week was up, Dom was going to have an imprint from the grout permanently etched into his cheek.