Bethany perks up. “Does Moose count?”
“Yes,” I say, deadpan.
“Alright, fine.” She rolls her eyes. “But I claim my right to talk about him all I want after our date this Friday.”
Sarah laughs. “Hey, as long as you give me the juicy details, I’m all for it.”
Sarah and Bethany’s voices slowly start to fade out and suddenly I’m not in the conversation at all. My attention lands on a girl and a guy laughing nearby instead.
She’s holding a phone in her hands, pointing at something on the screen.
“River,” she tries to scold but it comes out more like a laugh. “I told you not to get my bad side.”
I recognize the girl as Summer Ingram-Ruiz. Not only because of her dark brown skin and long black hair, but because she offered to kick some guy’s ass at a party who had been following me around all night.
No matter how many times I told the guy to fuck off, he kept trying to shoot his shot until Summer literally walked up to us, asked if I knew the guy, and when I said I didn’t, she kneed him in the balls.
She admitted to seeing him harassing me all night and I couldn’t help but laugh at how she had no problem with physically assaulting a guy for a stranger. Granted, I probably would’ve done the same thing but I was a little too drunk for my own good that night.
The guy she’s standing next to—River—takes the phone from her hands, dramatically looking back and forth between her and the phone.
“Yeah no, I don’t think you have a bad side, Summer.”
She rolls her eyes, taking the phone back and scrolling. “I can’t post any of these, you dimwit.” She groans. “Where’s Lily when you need her?”
I watch them continue to laugh and call each other names and even when I realize that I don’t even know whether the two aredating or just friends, I don’t seem to care about whatever label they have.
I just find myself becoming jealous of how close they seem. How comfortable they exist around each other.
The ease of it all.
I feel like I let myself have that with Lucas for a short amount of time before I went ahead and fucked everything up for the both of us.
No. This is how it’s supposed to be.
Me alone and Lucas off doing his own thing, not being dragged down by my own shit I’ve got going on. This will get easier. It has to but even if it doesn’t, this is how it has to be.
Eighteen
Denise
Avoiding Lucas Callahan is very hard.
Especially when I practically see him everywhere I go on this fucking campus. I’ll admit that I doubt he’s doing it on purpose. We just so happen to always be at the same place and I’ve decided that I can’t hide out in my apartment for another second without going stir-crazy.
Whether that’s Metric’s. Or a party. Or the library. I spot him and he spots me. He’ll give me a tight-lipped smile and wave but he never walks up to me, never tries to start a conversation.
I can’t tell if it’s worse that he won’t approach me or that I’ve been enough of a bitch for him to be aware to steer clear. But I’m guessing Lucas has had enough of my silent treatment because as I quickly try to grab my coffee order and leave Metric’s, Lucas seemingly appears out of nowhere. He’s walking in while I’m walking out. Of course, even now, he holds the door open for me. I don’t even bother to stop, only giving him a quickthanksand trying to walk past him and out the door. But I should’ve known better. Lucas always seems down for a challenge.
My skin tingles where he gently grabs my wrist, thumb brushing my arm. “Wow,” he chuckles. “At least tell me what I did to earn the silent treatment.”
“I said thank you,” I argue but I don’t meet his eyes.
“You’re right, and that’s the first thing you’ve said to me in days.”
My grip on my cup tightens and my body is fully aware of his hand on me. I feel the urge to step closer instead of away. To hug him instead of avoiding him.
Why do I have to be like this? Why do Lucas’s gentle eyes have to make me believe that maybe I could allow myself to selfishly have him?