“You haven’t seen me since you watched Razor hit me and stood still. You haven’t seen me since you walked out of that clubhouse and left me with a monster to assault me…again.”
My body was vibrating, he did not get to come here and play the victim.
Clutch’s dark eyes studied me, and then he nodded. “You are right, that is the last time I saw you. And I…” His voice cracked, he looked away from me for a moment and then back, eyes glassy. “I will never forgive myself for that.”
He looked like he was choking on his words, struggling. So I gave him a minute, more like both of us a minute. Because never in our years together had I seen him like this.
After a few moments passed and he still hadn’t said anything else, I decided to get answers.
“Cypher told me Razor is dead and Remi said you eliminated every threat to me. What… what does that mean?”
He cleared his throat, “That means that every person who hurt you, who was a threat. They are gone. We took care of them. The club and I… we hunted every single one of them down.”
I heard what he said, but it was like my brain was having a hard time processing it as reality, “My… the Kents?”
He swayed forward slightly like he was going to take a step closer but then he held himself still, “They were our first stop.”
“Ohhhh…” A choked breath bubbled out of me.
At that Clutch took a few steps forward, but I held my hand out between us. He kept walking until his chest was pressed against my hand and I could smell leather and the oil from his bike.
“Don’t…” I managed to get out around the tears.
“I just want to hold you, comfort you…please.”
He was so close, my senses were going haywire and my emotions were all over the place. I closed my eyes trying to think straight. “You lost the right to do that…”
“Bex,baby, you are still my wife… I…”
My eyes snapped open and I pushed him back, “No!” I shouted, “She is dead. Wanna know why?”
He shook his head,no, but my pain and anger and hurt. It was warring with what seeing him was doing to me, with what he was telling me. It was all too much.
“Rebecca Pierce no longer exists,Clutch,” He winced at the way I said his road name, “Because of your club, because of the emblem you still so proudly wear!” I shoved my finger at his patch, “Every part of my life that I built from nothing got destroyed because of that. So, don’t call me Bex and don’t call me your wife. Rebecca Pierce was your wife and she doesn’t exist anymore.”
The look of shock quickly morphed to one of understanding and then horror. He took a step back, grasping at his chest.
“So… Thank you for what you did. I … I think it will take me a while to fully process that they are gone. But thank you…” I needed space to think and process, too much was coming at me and I felt like I was drowning in it all, so I straightened myself, wiped the tears from my face and said, “If that was all you came for, thank you… I have…”
He growled, “If that is all I came for? Be… baby I came for you! I love you and we can figure out the rest…”
I shook my head, more tears falling, how could he love me? “You loved a lie, Clutch. The woman you loved is gone…”
“No,” he said, stepping forward, “No. You are right here… right in front of me. We have so much to talk about and so many things that I want to show you. But I love you… you have to believe that.”
Why did it feel like my heart was being ripped out of my chest? Why was this so hard?
I shook my head, trying to compose myself.
He took another step towards me, “You love me, baby…”
I couldn’t hold back the sob this time, it tore out of me, “I loved the lie you sold me, the man… Dec… Declan. I loved him. But the man I had to run from…” I looked right at his name stitched on his cut and shook my head.
He moved right up to me, grabbing my face with both hands, he was crying just as hard as I was. My knees felt like they were going to buckle and every breath I managed to get in just smelled,tastedof him. He was so close… too close.
“I love you… don’t say I don’t know… I do. I love you, baby.”
We stayed like that, both of us breathing each other in. But I couldn't go back.