Mantheria stopped walking.The only worse scenario that she could imagine was for her entire family to learn the truth.She turned back to Frederica, who was walking slowly toward Mantheria with a hand on her growing belly.Mantheria felt another pang of envy.
Sighing, Mantheria said, “Speak your piece.You have certainly listened to me share my unwanted advice more times than we both can count.”
Frederica grinned, and Mantheria couldn’t help but think how beautiful her little sister was.“Intimacy can be messy, and it requires a great deal of vulnerability.And you are not good at being messy or being vulnerable.But to be close to someone, you have to let them see all of you, and I am not speaking euphemistically; I mean that you have to allow them to know the good and the bad.Your mistakes and your fears and your weaknesses.Some women cannot be intimate with a man physically until they are comfortable with him emotionally.And I don’t think you were ever comfortable with Alexander emotionally or physically.”
Mantheria rubbed the side of her face with one hand.“I was seventeen.Perhaps you might have been ready at that age for marriage, but I was not.”
Her sister came closer to Mantheria and took the hand from her face, holding the hand in her own.“I don’t think that I would have been.I will never understand why Society marries child brides to grown men and expects them to be happy together.You and Alexander were too different in age and experience.Nor do I believe that he ever tried to connect with you emotionally before physically.It is his fault as much as it may be yours that the intimacy between you was not as good as it could have been.”
Mantheria tried to tug back her hand, but Frederica merely tightened her grip.“I don’t like being touched.”
“Get used to it,” Frederica said, her grip on Mantheria’s hand tighter than ever.“Lean into the discomfort.Tell me why you don’t like being touched.Discuss your feelings with me.”
“It is most unseemly to say such things to a sister.”
“You’re related to Helen.Nothing you say could be unseemly by comparison to what comes out of her mouth on a daily basis.”
Mantheria opened her lips to protest and then closed them.Helen said whatever popped into her odd brain.Perhaps it would be better to finally tell another soul the entire, unvarnished truth.Maybe then she could let the specter of her late husband truly go.“Soon after I became pregnant with Andrew, I was very nauseous and being touched seemed to make me sick....My body was changing.Everything about my life was changing, and I felt so out of control.I couldn’t be a good wife.I couldn’t allow him in my bed.”
Frederica shook her head.“The fault was entirely his.A good man would have waited until you were ready to be intimate again.He was the one who got you with child.He should have been patient when you were struggling with your pregnancy.Sometimes husbands must simply wait.Especially after a baby is born and a woman’s body is recovering.There are at least a couple of months, sometimes longer, where intimacy is not a good idea.When a mother needs time to recover, a good man waits.Do you hear me?He waits.A good husband does not turn to another woman the minute there is trouble between the two of you.A good husband waitsuntil both of you are ready for intimacy.”
Utterly ashamed, Mantheria whispered her greatest fear.“What if I am never ready for intimacy?”
“Then a good man will satisfy himself with your companionship,” Frederica said, tilting her head slightly to one side.“A husband’s ‘rights’ are all tosh and rot.They are ridiculous laws made by men.No person has the right to your body without your permission at any time.And intimacy is more than just the marriage act.It is handholding, hugging, kissing, snuggling, and general nearness.Sometimes just being near Samuel is all the intimacy that I need.That and a listening ear.Luckily, he has two, for I have a great deal to say.”
Mantheria rested her head on her sister’s shoulder.It was nice to be held, and despite the initial discomfort, she did enjoy being touched by a loving sister.
“Sunny loves you, you know,” Frederica said matter-of-factly, patting Mantheria’s back.“I mean, we’ve all known that he was crazy about you for a dozen years now.What I want to know is what is stopping you from a second chance at love and marriage?”
Stiffening, Mantheria lifted her head and stepped back from her sister.“That is none of your business.”
“And when has something not being my business ever stopped me before?”
This was true.Her younger sisters always stuck their noses (and other body parts) in other people’s business.“I couldn’t bear for another marriage to fail because of me.What if I am too broken to be intimate with a husband?What if he gets tired of me and also finds companionship outside of marriage again?”
Frederica put her hands on her hips, and her resemblance to their mother was striking.“You are the most formidable woman and duchess that I have ever met.And if you do return Sunny’s feelings, you should tell him the truth.All of it.And if he is willing to wait for intimacy until you are ready, then I would snatch him up if I were you.I don’t know many double duchesses.”
A laugh broke from her lips.If Mantheria married Sunny, she would be a duchess for the second time.A rare thing indeed.“What if he doesn’t wish to wait?”
“Then he is not worthy of you, and you should wait for a man who is.You, my sister, are beautiful, clever, talented, and rich.You will never lack for suitors, should you wish for them.”
“I’m afraid.”
“It’s hard to be vulnerable, but true love requires it.”
At last, Frederica released Mantheria’s hand, but then she threw her arms around Mantheria’s neck and hugged her tightly.She whispered in Mantheria’s ear, “The only failure in your marriage was Alexander.He was the one who broke his vows.He chose to return to his mistress, and he chose to keep going back to her.”
Again, Mantheria tried to pull away from her sister, but Frederica held her too tightly.“He tried.Alexander wanted to start again the spring when Wick fell in love with Louisa, but I couldn’t.I couldn’t trust that he wouldn’t leave me again.especially if I didn’t want to be touched.It was too overwhelming a thought to be intimate again, so I asked for a separation.I gave up on my marriage before he did.”
Frederica leaned back a little and grasped Mantheria tightly by both of her shoulders.“Oh no, you don’t have to take responsibility for his actions.He was unfaithful to you, and if he really wanted to earn your trust back, he would have stopped his intimate relations with Lady Dutton before offering to come back to you and try to restart your marriage.He did nothing to prove the sincerity of his words to you.You had every right not to believe that he would or could change.Were you ever unfaithful to your marriage vows?”
“Of course not.”
Mantheria heard someone coming and saw that it was Andrew running in their direction.He arrived out of breath and smiling.“I’ve been looking for you everywhere, Mama.What are you and Aunt Frederica doing outside when there’s a party inside the castle?”
Frederica gave a little laugh.“I’ve been trying to knock some sense into your mother.”
Cocking his head to the side, Andrew said, “Well, I hope you were gentle with her.”