She placed her scratched and dirty hand on top of his. ‘I protected myself, Wick—something I would not have dared to do if it hadn’t been for you and your sisters. You showed me that I am strong. That I am capable. You need not feel any guilt on my account. You carry too much guilt already.’
Turning his hand so that his palm was underneath hers, he intertwined their fingers. ‘I don’t deserve your absolution. But I promise if you ever need me, I will come.’
‘You have my absolution all the same,’ she whispered. ‘And I think both Charles and Elizabeth would give you theirs as well... I can tell when you speak of them how much you loved them, and I am sure they loved you too. They would want you to be happy, healthy—and whole. Yes, you should miss them, and mourn them. But you must let go of the guilt that is dragging you down. Live a life worthy of their love.’
Worthy.
Louisa had used that word again. She had said last night that he was worthy of her love, but the events of today proved that he wasn’t.
‘The room’s ready, Wick,’ Mantheria said from outside the carriage.
Wick half carried Louisa into the house and up to the room that Mrs Perkins and her daughter had prepared for her. He saw two female servants carrying buckets of water to Louisa’s room for a bath. He would have been happy to help, but he was shown, politely, to the door.
He climbed back into the carriage alone and told the driver to take him to the Crown. Uncorking the wine, he took a long swig. Louisa had already spent most of her life unloved and neglected—he didn’t want anything to hurt her again.
He should have protected her.
Wick had failed her as he had failed Charles and Elizabeth.
He was not in any wayworthyof her.
Chapter Thirty-One
Never has a bath felt better,Louisa thought, sinking underneath the hot water until it reached her nose.
Leaning her head back against the copper tub, she took a ragged breath. Her throat felt as if she had swallowed stones. She coughed, and the door to her room opened. The bespectacled young woman walked in with a glass of water.
The stranger gave Louisa a reassuring smile. ‘I thought you might be thirsty.’
Louisa greedily accepted the glass, and quickly emptied the contents down her dry throat. She swallowed. ‘I am afraid that we have not been properly introduced. Although it seems a little silly to have an introduction when I am in the bath. I am Lady Louisa Bracken—but you are welcome to call me Louisa.’
The pretty young woman pushed her spectacles up the bridge of her nose. ‘I am Mary Perkins. I would be pleased if you would call me Mary. We might as well be on a Christian name basis, for you are about to wear one of my nightdresses.’
‘We have both stolen Mary’s clothes, I’m afraid,’ Mantheria said from the door.
She came into the room, her long blonde hair in one plait over her shoulder. Her face was still pale in the candlelight. She was wearing a prim white nightgown that buttoned up to her neck. The hem of the gown reached the floor.
Mantheria pushed up the long white sleeves and knelt beside the copper tub. She picked up a sponge and set it in the soapy water.
‘I can do that,’ Louisa said, quickly. She was embarrassed to be waited upon by the Duchess and naked in front of a stranger.
Mantheria squeezed out the sponge. ‘I’ll have you know that Andrew gives me high marks for my scrubbing. Andrew is my son, Mary. Now, lean forward like a good girl and I’ll scrub your back.’
Too tired to protest, Louisa leaned forward in the tub and allowed Mantheria to wash her neck, her back, her arms and even her hair. Then her friend handed her the sponge and Louisa washed the front of herself, before stepping out of the tub and into a robe held by Mary. Mantheria handed her a towel and Louisa dried herself as best as she could.
Both ladies helped her into a nightgown and tucked her into bed as if she were a small child like Andrew.
Louisa took both Mantheria’s and Mary’s hands. ‘I cannot thank you enough for finding me and helping me.’
‘It was my pleasure, my lady,’ said Mary.
‘Louisa.’
Mary curtsied to Mantheria and then pushed up her glasses with her free hand. ‘Louisa. I will leave you two alone. I am sure you have much to discuss.’
She watched Mary walk to the door and quietly close it behind her.
Mantheria sat down on the edge of the bed, still lightly holding Louisa’s hand. ‘Of course I would come to find you. I am your chaperone, after all, and your friend. Although I seem to have been doing a poor job of being both. I should have protected you better. If only I had taken a footman with us to the park.’