No way would he have left in the middle of the night and then not come back by this time. He’s really gone.Gonegone.It’s for the best. At least that’s what I tell myself as I throw my legs over the side of the bed and plant my feet flat on the floor before I stand up.
Shuffling toward the kitchen, I ignore the soreness that’s been a staple between my legs. This is probably the last day I’ll ever feel this way and think of Gunnar. My life is going to change completely in just a few short days, and I need to get used to that.
A piece of paper sits in the middle of my small kitchen island, and I freeze at the sight of it, almost as if it’s going to jump up from the counter and bite me. It won’t, and it doesn’t, of course.
Slowly, I walk over to the counter and reach out, placing my hand on the center of the note. I think about crumpling it up before I even read it, but my curiosity gets the best of me. Pulling the note toward me, I pick it up, and that’s when my breath hitches.
Lainey,
I shouldn’t have done what I did the past few weeks. It wasn’t fair of me. I used you, and for that I’m sorry. I know you’re going to make Paul happy and will be awonderful wife to him. I wish things could be different. But they can’t. What I did goes against everything I’ve ever believed. I wasn’t a good Reaper or brother, and I was an even worse friend.
I won’t see you again. But if you ever need me, I’ll always be there for you.
-Gunnar
Instead of crumpling the paper into a ball and throwing it across the room, I fold it neatly into a square and then slip it into the silverware drawer. I have a lot of things to do. Like pack up my whole life to move away.
Although Gunnar is right, I probably don’t need to pack anything. I have a feeling that Paul’s going to dress me up like he did the last time I was with him. He seemed to really like that outfit.
I could see the way his nostrils flared when he watched me walk out wearing it, or maybe he was thinking about the way he made me come. And he did. That should have been enough to keep me from getting with Gunnar.
But it wasn’t. Nothing was.
I fell in love with Gunnar years ago, and for whatever reason, I thought I could handle a few weeks of pleasure with him before my marriage.
I was wrong.
So damn wrong.
I couldn’t handle it, and the way my heart feels right now, the fact that I can feel it crackling inside my chest, is proof that I cannot handle it—not in the slightest. I am sick to my stomachjust thinking about it, about how I feel and about my life… my future.
My gaze shifts over to the boxes in the corner, and I narrow my eyes at them. I guess I’d better get my ass to work. They aren’t going to pack themselves, and my life isn’t going to restart all by itself.
I’m also not going to just forget this man, the way he made me feel, or the fact that I’m madly in love with him, if I stand here and dwell like an idiot. Inhaling a deep breath, I hold it in my lungs for a moment, then let it out slowly.
And only when I’ve let it all out do I get to work.
But first, I put on a bra, cutoff shorts, and an oversized T-shirt from the time I went to a Maroon 5 concert in Raleigh. I run my fingers over the front of the shirt; the printing is rough and crackled to the touch because it’s been washed so many times that it’s starting to fall apart.
I love this shirt.
But not because I love Maroon 5 that much, although they have some seriously great bangers. It’s mostly because of the memories this shirt fills me with. Axton took me to the concert when I was sixteen.
It was a gift, my birthday gift. He didn’t want to go. I knew it then just as much as I know it now. But he took me anyway, and he pretended it was the best night of his life, because it was the best night of mine at the time.
Inhaling a shaky breath, I release it slowly and realize, again, just why I’m doing all of this—for him. For my brother, who sucked it up, took his little sister to her first concert, and made it special.
Axton made everything special.
Fighting back the tears, I shake my head as I reach for the bag of tape and markers. I feel a renewed sense of energy, ormaybe I’ve just decided to stuff my own shit down, to ignore my personal feelings and move forward the way I should have.
Because that’s what I should have done to begin with.
VIKING
The light shines brightly into my eyes. Throwing my arm over my face, I grunt. I should have closed the blinds last night, but honest to fuck, it was the last thing on my mind when I rolled in at two in the morning.
Fuck.