‘Right!’ says Art. ‘Amazing work, everyone. Honoria, do you want to take a seat on that side of the bed while we set up the next scene?’
‘Of course,’ says Honoria.
Art talks to some of the lighting crew, who make adjustments to the light above Paddy’s hospital bed. And then I hear something that makes my blood run cold.
‘What the actual fuck is going on here?’
No. It can’t be. Not now. Not when we’re so close …
But it is.
Walking towards us, looking like he’s about to burst with rage, is Bernard.
‘And what the fuck,’ he says, pointing at Honoria with a quivering finger, ‘is she doing here?’
‘Lovely to see you too, darling.’ Honoria is utterly unfazed.
Bernard ignores her. ‘Gina and I were on our way to the car park,’ he says, ‘when one of the security crew said he was happyto see Ma Cusack’ – he says the name as if it makes him feel sick – ‘back at IBC. And when I asked him what he was talking about, he said he’d let her in at the security gate half an hour ago. Which was a surprise to me, especially when he said she was heading to the lot in full costume.’
I notice Gina hurrying onto the set.
‘All right, Bernard,’ says Art. ‘We can explain.’
‘You!’ Bernard’s voice is pure vitriol. ‘I should have known you’d be involved, you pretentious Hollywood prick.’
‘That’s enough,’ I say sharply.
Bernard turns to me. ‘And of course you’re part of this too.’ His voice is getting higher. ‘What am-dram bullshit have the pair of you been plotting? Getting that old hag back to do a few sketches?’
‘We’ve been trying,’ I say, ‘to give IBC something people will actually want to watch for the anniversary episode.’
‘Like you’d know,’ snaps Bernard. ‘I can’t believe this. You actually thought you could film onmylot. Well, I hope you had fun because this is the last time you’ll ever set foot in this place. You’re both fired, effective immediately. And I’ll take great pleasure in telling Triona Clancy just how well her big plan forNorthsidehas worked. Putting Adam out of action was bad enough and now this lunacy!’ His eyes fall on the actor who plays Paddy, who’s lying back in the hospital bed sucking on a vape. ‘Jesus Christ, Charlie, you too? Is there no loyalty in this place?’
‘Loyalty has to be earned,’ says Des.
‘Oh, does it, you jumped-up mechanic?’ Bernard’s face is so red and angry it’s genuinely scary.
‘Seriously, Bernard, that’senough.’ There’s steel in Art’s voice. ‘You need to calm down right now.’
‘Calm down?’ says Bernard. ‘Calmdown?’
He’s pointing his finger right in Art’s face now, but Art doesn’t flinch.
Oh my God, could Bernard actually hit him? It seems very out of character but I’ve never seen him so angry before.
And I am not going to letanyonehit Art again.
‘Bernard.’ I glower at him with all the ferocity I can muster. Which is a lot. ‘Take one step closer to him and you’ll have me to deal with.’
Bernard laughs incredulously. ‘Are youthreateningme?’
And then a female voice cuts through the air. ‘Would someone care to explain what’s happening?’
Every head turns to see Head of Drama Triona Clancy, terrifyingly elegant as ever, standing in the doorway of the studio.
Oh God, this is not how we wanted her to find out about this. We wanted to present her with a fait accompli, a magnificent alternative to a dud of an anniversary episode. We didn’t want her to find out from Bernard ranting and roaring.
‘Bernard, I just got a text from your assistant saying there was an emergency on the lot and—’ Triona literally does a double-take as she spots Honoria.