“The Representative hasn’t been… dealing well with the loss,” Nikhail said icily. “She’s been bedridden. Because of grief.”
“Oh,” River said.
What else was there to say?
Her mother’s heartache wasn’t unexpected. Tertia had always loved Cyrus, and it made sense that she would mourn the loss of her love. But if she was bedridden, that meant…
“She didn’t come to visit me?” Even as the question left her lips, River already knew the answer.
Of course, Tertia wouldn’t have come. Not while she was drowning in her own grief. She probably didn’t even consider that River was hurting, that she needed a mother now more than ever.
Had Tertia even thought about River at all?
Probably not.
Every time River thought her mother’s hatred had reached its peak, Tertia would prove her wrong. It was almost laughable, the way the Waterborn matriarch was predictably terrible.
At this rate, River would have been far more surprised if Tertia actually had shown up as a mother and demonstrated any level of maternal care.
River wasn’t sure whether she should laugh, cry, or scream about this. Maybe all three? This type of situation had neverbeen a topic of study at Highmountain’s School for Young Fae. She’d learned how to act properly, dress appropriately, and when to speak, but no one had ever talked about what to do when a mother’s love never materialized.
One would think that being in a magical slumber for two weeks would warrant a visit from one’s only living parent, right?
Apparently not.
River wasn’t discounting her mother’s grief. She knew how much it hurt to lose someone, since she’d lost the same person.
It was just that…
Didn’t River deserve to be loved, too? Maybe even just a little?
She wasn’t expecting her mother to fawn at her feet or call her the perfect daughter—the gods only knew River was far from that. But maybe she could’ve had a fraction of her mother’s love. The smallest amount, just enough to know that she was cared for.
Gods.
Eliza Fern, River’s therapist, would have a field day when River came in for her next appointment. If she everhadanother appointment. She supposed that if she never got out of the Hub, that wouldn’t be a problem, because she’d be trapped there forever.
“No.” Nikhail’s deep timbre pulled River out of her thoughts. She’d forgotten she’d even asked a question. “Your mother hasn’t been here.”
The words shouldn’t have stung. This was far from the first time that Tertia had let River down, and she was certain it wouldn’t be the last.
River should have been able to let this go. Of all the hurtful things Tertia had done to her over the years, this wasn’t even the worst of them.
She should’ve been able to stop tears from forming. Maybe it was because she was exhausted, or maybe it was the weight of everything that had happened, but she couldn’t seem to do it.
She was just so tired and so fucking empty.
And her father…
Was dead.
River had let her mind wander from that fact for a short while, but she couldn’t ignore it any longer. There was a hole in her heart next to the space where her magic used to reside, and it belonged to Cyrus Waterborn.
It would forever be empty.
A sob crawled up River’s throat, and she was unable to stop it from ripping out of her. Another soon followed.
Nikhail’s arms tightened around River. He held her close, murmuring words of compassion as she wept.