Not a question, but gods, River wished it was. She wished none of this was happening.
“Yes.” Nikhail’s voice was soothing, but even the gentlest of voices couldn’t stop those bands from wrapping around her heart. “Two weeks ago.”
What? How could that be?
River must’ve spoken the question out loud, because Nikhail’s lips pinched in a line. He squeezed her hand, his fingers still intertwined with hers. “You were drained. Nearly empty.”
“Magical exertion?”
“Yes.” His voice was low. “Do you remember?”
Storm clouds rolling in. Water pouring from the sky in endless sheets. Children’s laughs morphing into screams.
Because River had lost control.
A fist clamped down on River’s lungs as her memories fully revealed themselves. She trembled and shook her head back and forth, as if that could change what had already been done. The lives she’d already taken.
She’d depleted herself, which meant she’d called an intense storm.
How many more deaths were on her conscience?
“Breathe, River,” Nikhail reminded her. He spoke to her gently, as if she weren’t a murderer hundreds of times over. “Inhale.”
She didn’t really want to, but her body reacted to him regardless and did as he asked.
“Good. Exhale.”
Her breath left her in a whoosh. This wasn’t better, though. No, it was far, far worse. Now, she rememberedeverything.
Her night with Nikhail. Returning to Waterborn House, feeling on top of the world. Being greeted by ominous silence. The cutting sound of her mother’s grief, a cleaver that slicedher open. Running upstairs. Seeing her father’s lifeless body, knowing that the Stillness had finally stolen him from them. Taking her father’s convertible. Calling Nikhail, and…
“You didn’t pick up the phone.” She met his gaze once more, her voice as shattered as she felt inside. “I called you, Nik.”
She’d needed him.
“I know.” Grief and shame looked back at her. “I failed you, River. I’m so sorry.”
“You promised,” she said hoarsely, her mind stuck on that night and the way she’d lost control again. She’d proven, once and for all, that she was dangerous and deadly and cursed.
“I did.”
River stared at Nikhail, who had said she wasn’t a danger to him, but then…
“I summoned a storm.”
No mantra or training could shield her from the truth now. Her father was gone. She’d lost control, and…
Water climbing. Bodies floating. So much death. So many souls. She would forever bear the weight of them on her conscience.
Sorrow flashed across Nikhail’s face, but he didn’t lie to her. Thank the gods for that small mercy. “Yes.”
River shuddered. “It was awful,” she admitted. “Stronger than anything I’ve ever felt.”
Her magic had surged out of her, uncontained.
Cursed, cursed, cursed.
The word echoed through every single fucking part of her.