I had numerous achievements from the short time I was in Donut’s Nest helping her snipe a few of the automated towers, resulting in multiple gold and silver boxes. It was no wonder Donut had received so many.
New Achievement! Default Winner!
Wyndham Halswelle. Óscar Pereiro. Suzette Charles. Montell Griffin. All “winners.” They received top honors in their sport or event, but that victory was marred because someone else had to get disqualified for them to win.
This is you, Mr. Winner of Faction Wars. Sure, you’ve won, but I can’t imagine it’s satisfying.
Honestly, I blame myself. I could have prevented the other warlords from fleeing the battlefield like the little bitches they are. After all, I’d set up this whole showdown thing. But honestly, we’re setting up something even bigger and potentially more tragic, so it’ll all even out in the end.
You’ve received a Bronze Vanessa Williams Box.
That one made me think of Juice Box, and I wondered if she was doing okay, wherever she was. She’d said she was going somewhere with Justice Light, but he’d died. Had that always been part of the plan?
Standing in the doorway to the training room was Tipid. We met eyes, but there was no real recognition there from the man who’d had his memory wiped.
New Achievement! Wastrel.
Wow. Frank Q went out of his way to give you one of the most powerful items in this game, and what do you do with it? You feed it to a fucking cat? What a damned waste.
Reward:Fuck off.
That was for giving Donut the Ring of Divine Suffering to eat.Yeah, fuck you, too,I thought. As angry as that last one was, this next one was ridiculously sad, like the AI was on the verge of crying.
New Achievement. Come to Daddy.
You were offered an exit deal. You rejected it.
You like me.Youdidn’t leave me the first chance you got. You’re not like those ungrateful wannabe assholes who are running away from the playground just because they can. Well, good riddance, I say. But not you. Not good ol’ Carl. Good. Good boy.
Reward:You’ve received a Bronze Daddy’s Little Secret Box.
And that was pretty much it from the regular list. No celestial boxes this time, though I also had a fan box to open.
“Did you get a box for rejecting a deal?”
“Goodness, no,” Donut said. “Wait, did you? Hey, that’s not fair!”
I started opening the boxes. It was all the usual stuff, including several of thoseEmergency Gremlinscrolls. The Bronze Vanessa Williams Box contained an unenchanted spray paint can of white paint for some reason. The Bronze Daddy’s Little Secret Box contained a group of five potions Mordecai had mentioned in passing once before. Bomb Blanket. It was a throwable potion that would prevent smaller bombs from detonating if you tossed it upon them in time.
I finally also started receiving more dynamite and hob-lobbers along with some surefires, which was a relief. I also started receiving something calledTrollish Boom Boxes, which were upgraded hob-lobbers. They looked like shoeboxes on a stick and were meant to be thrown. I’d have to play with them in my bomber’s studio first.
The Gold Payload Box came in the form of a small World War II–style gravity bomb. It opened up with a small amount of fanfare. Inside of it was a skill potion. I picked it up.
Skill Potion. Hotlist Expansion.
Drinking this potion will expand your 10-space hotlist into 20 spaces.
“Huh,” I said, turning the potion over in my hands. I remembered that when Lucia Mar had been conscripted and I’d examined her, she’d had an expanded hotlist. This was something cool, but again, it wasn’t anything earth-shattering.
I received one more item of note. It came in a Gold Adventurer Box.
“Uh,” I said, quickly examining the pink backpack thing.
“Carl, what is that?” Donut demanded, sniffing at the item. “It looks like one of those BabyBjörn baby backpacks from theHangovermovie. Is there something you’re not telling us? Did you and your new wife already have a honeymoon?”
“Actually,” I said as it popped into my inventory, “that’s exactly what it is. It’s a baby backpack, but it only carries quadrupeds. It’s to carry you on my chest. If I wear it with you buckled in, I can use myPhaseorOozyspell, and you’llPhase, too.”
“I am absolutely not going to get into that thing. My goodness, do I look like a milk-soaked toddler with snotty Cheerios stuck to the side of my head?”