I spied Splash Zone and Rosetta standing there, peeking out of the training room. Samantha was there, too, on the ground with Bigs right next to her. I knew Tipid was in the training room, too, but he was probably asleep. Mordecai said he spent most of his time curled on the floor, sleeping.
“Mordecai, darling,” Donut said, “are you aware of what just happened?”
“Aw, shit. Did I do it again?”
I grunted. “We lost you for a second. You were spouting some Nostradamus bullshit. It was like the same sort of creepy shit robot Donut would say.”
“Oh, damn,” he said. “I’m sorry about that. That’s something Moon Reapers do. It’ll only happen once for each of you.” He paused. “It doesn’t make sense. I’m not really a Moon Reaper. I’m a shadow mimic. Mimics only take on the shape of the creature. Changelings can get some of the powers, though. That’s why it’s glitching, I think.”
“A shadow mimic?” I asked. “What the hell is that? How is that different than a regular mimic?”
“There are three basic types of shapeshifters in the dungeon. Changelings, doppelgangers, and mimics. Most other shapeshifters are variations of one of those three. Shadow mimics are generally pretty evil, highly intelligent mimics that can copy the shape of anything nearby. The thing is, shadow mimics and changelings are mortal enemies. It makes changelings violently ill just to touch one, while shadow mimics think changelings are delicious.”
Donut let out a harrumph. “Well, as long as you’re done being weird and you don’t go back to a tuxedo cat, then I suppose it’s okay. I can see you as an American shorthair, yes. But certainly not with tuxedo coloring. You don’t have the audacity to try to pull that off.”
Rosetta hesitantly approached. She was giving Mordecai a wary glance. Samantha had retreated back into the training room.
“We should probably keep you sequestered from the others for this floor,” Rosetta said to Mordecai. She looked at me. “It seems he does that ‘glitching’ each time a different race gets near him for the first time. When Bigs wandered in, I was afraid we’d lost him totally.”
“He told me I was going to drown in fire,” Bigs the sluggalette said, slithering into the room. She swung her head hatchet around a few times. “If this mothafacko wasn’t on the don’t-chop list, he’d be getting the kneecap treatment. And I didn’t hear what he said to Samantha, but he made her cry.”
“Listen,” Mordecai said. “Nobody give too much stock to anything I might spout. There’s no such thing as predicting the future here. It’s always vague bullshit that can be twisted to fit whatever happens. If someone could accurately predict things like that, it would... well, it would change everything. This stuff is designed to be scary, not true.”
Bigs grunted. “You told Splash Zone he was gonna die screaming while his family watched.”
“Yeah, man,” Splash Zone said, “you really freaked me out.”
I was about to ask more, but we were interrupted. Donut let out an excited gasp but then hissed. I turned to see her atop the mailbox in the corner of the room with the little door open. A spell book scurried out, trailing slime. It rushed across the room like an escaped rat. It scampered into the kitchen and started banging against the cabinets.
“Look, look, another hat! And there’s a hat for Mongo. And one for Rend, too!”
“Catch that book!” Mordecai shouted. “They can break if they injure themselves!”
The cleaner bot let out an angry shrill and rushed to the kitchen. It swooped down, picked up the book, brought it to me, and dropped it in my arms.
“Gah,” I said as the book spewed slime down the front of my shirt.
“What is it? What is it?” Donut demanded, hopping over to me.
The book wriggled, and it was covered in little legs. It was oozing a clear liquid all over my arms.
“What the hell?” I said, holding it out. I examined it. “It’s a spell book calledOozy Form.”
“Uzi form?” Donut asked, brightening. “Like Uzi Jesus? I get a gun!”
“Not ‘Uzi,’?” I said. “?‘Oozy.’ With an ‘O.’ Like slimy. You can turn into a slime.” The spell book spooged more slime onto me. It made a little groan.
Donut scoffed. “Well, that’s disappointing. Why would I want that?”
“It’s a great spell,” Mordecai said. “It’s a special edition, so it’ll train faster, too. You can do all sorts of things with it. You can slip between cracks. Turn into a puddle on the floor. It’s great as a defensive and camouflage spell. But it’s kinda likePhase, too. Just make sure you’re someplace safe when it runs out. At level 15, you can stay in the form indefinitely, but before then, be careful.”
“That is absolutely disgusting, and I am never going to use it,” Donut said.
I put the wriggling book on the kitchen counter. It shook, trying to crawl away. It continued to spew thick, clear liquid all over the place. Mordecai swooped in with a vial and took some.
“This is a good one,” I said, holding the book down. “You don’t have to use it a lot, but it’ll be good for an emergency. Read it before you give the cleaner bot a heart attack.”
The cleaner bot gave a shrill beep.