“Hey! Get out of there!” I called.
Rend appeared, popping his head out of the back of the truck. I didn’t even know how he had fit in there, especially with Mongo. The truck was big, but the kitchen took up a lot of space.
“Stay out of the truck!”
Rend giggled again, and this time several objects fell out of his mouth, clattering on the trailer. Mongo screeched with joy. The truck shook more as he turned himself around, and his tail pressed against the horn.
Make way for the big shot! Bawk!
I examined the items that had dropped out of Rend’s mouth. French fries. Frozen French fries. There was a stocked freezer in there somewhere, and they’d found it.
“Carl, your creature is a terrible influence! Mongo, get down this instant!”
Both Mongo and Rend tumbled out of the back of the truck. Mongo had a plastic bag in his mouth. He shook it violently, tossing frozen chicken patties like Frisbees across the garage. He dropped the plastic bag and shrieked in outrage.
“Well,” I said to Hedy, “meet your two bodyguards.”
[ 7 ]
Entering your safe room.
Warning: Blood Bar is now in effect. You start with a full bar, but you are now on a timer. You may only spend 10 hours in the safe room. You may refill the Blood Bar by killing things.
“Holy shit, Mordecai,” I said upon seeing the creature floating in the middle of the safe room holding a steaming cup of tea.
“My goodness,” Donut said, looking the grim reaper character up and down. “This is quite unsettling. It’s like what would happen if Orren ever discovered Depeche Mode.”
Mordecai floated about a foot off the ground. He towered over me. He was a grim-reaper-style monster, but with really long arms, reminding me of the clowns from the third floor. He had desiccated undead-like hands. His dark canvaslike robes floated lazily in the air. Like Orren, his black hood covered his head, and I couldn’t see anything inside except the occasional hint of a reflection.
I could see now why he’d asked Rend to stay behind. One of Rend’s weaknesses was something called “Reaper Gaze.” I examined him.
Mordecai. Level 50. Moon Reaper.
Manager of Princess Donut.
From a dark, terrifying corner of Sheol, Moon Reapers are one of several different types of janitor mobs that occupy the 15th floor. They sometimes break free and wander other floors, devouring everything in their path and causing absolute chaos wherever they go. While they have a corporeal form, they are basically spirit creatures. Even the princes of hell fear these strange solitary beings.
Don’t remove their hoods. Don’t provoke them. They are not hostile unless attacked. Their gaze attack can come in many forms. That includes inflicting the dreaded Jaunt sickness, one of the most insidious attacks inDungeon Crawler World. It is a condition where the inflicted is trapped in time. They have their full faculties, but they perceive each second as if it is the length of 30 years.
“I’m actually not a Moon Reaper, but a—” Before he finished, he thrust forward, causing me to jump. His black hood fell back, revealing not a skull, but an enormous eyeball. A flaming eyeball. His cup of tea fell and shattered.
“Death awaits you at every turn,” Mordecai croaked with a deep, heavy voice filled with grit, different from the already scary voice he had just been using. “The shadows reach even now for a porous soul such as yours. It is unquenchable, this thirst. You are reached for by both sides. Who will entwine you? The tree or the abyss?”
“What the shit?” I asked as Donut yowled and jumped to my shoulder.
He turned to Donut, raising a skeletal hand. I took a step back, but my back hit the door. “And you. The edges are more clear, yet still uncertain. A sacrifice might save you, in the end.Itmight. It will be the darkest decision ever made. How many lives? How many souls? The veil is made of gossamer, and when it is done, their gaze, their rage will be eternal. You should remember that, Oak Fell Champion of Nekhebit.”
“I’m sorry, but I really need to wee right now, and I would much rather do it in the powder room than upon Carl’s shoulder, so can you please go back to normal?”
Mordecai coughed. He floated back. “Oh damn, did I drop my tea again? Sorry about that.” He quickly pulled his hood up, but there were still a few flames on the eyeball head, and the hood itself caught on fire. He reached up and casually patted the fire out.
“Uh, Mordecai,” I said, “what the hell was that?”
Mordecai fuzzed and reappeared. He flashed and became the Canadian version of himself from the previous floor, just for a second. He appeared like that as he floated a good two feet off the floor, and he let out a yelp. He glitched again on the way down, and when he hit the floor, he turned into a scraggly black-and-white cat, which caused Donut to hiss. He hissed back at her, but his mouth opened huge, and then he flipped to an otter shape, then to a massive slug, before he jolted back to the reaper shape. He fuzzed for a second but settled on the reaper.
“Godsdamn this form. It’s not natural. It’s an impossible combo, and that’s why it’s glitching.”
The cleaner bot was already at work, quietly cleaning up the tea. The room stank like smoke.