Donut: I WAS WONDERING ABOUT THAT. THEY ALWAYS GIVE YOU BLUE NIPPLES IN THE SNICKS. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, THOUGH. I FEAR THEY’VE OVEREXAGGERATED CARL SO MUCH THAT IF HE EVER GETS A GIRLFRIEND FROM OUTSIDE THE DUNGEON, SHE’S GOING TO BE NOTHING BUT DISAPPOINTED.
Elle: Donut, I love you, but have you ever considered not saying everything that comes to you the moment it pops into your head?
Donut: WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
The lights were from a line of spotlights waving back and forth. Dozens of roads led from all directions, all coming together at the finish line.
“Huh,” I said, trying to follow one of the roads, but it disappeared into the dark.
Behind, the trailer weaved and bumped. I slowed. It’d taken us almost four hours to go fifty kilometers, but we still had time. I searched for other vehicles. I only saw a few. There was what appeared to be a giant, six-legged horse limping its way along several tracks over. There was a smoking station wagon that was being pushed by skyfowls. That was it.
Ahead, an arch loomed with the familiar black-and-white-checkered pattern of a finish line. All the tracks converged here at the finish line, making a wide road. I remembered there was supposed to be like eighteen hundred of these races, so I imagined there was some magic here, as this was more like a hundred or so roads converging. Either way, we approached the finish line.
“You better get into your van,” I called to Radoslav.
The bugbear turned and bowed from the back of the truck. “Thank you, Carl and Princess Donut,” he said. “I know and understand for tomorrow’s race we are not friends. But today we are friends, and I am grateful for today. Tonight I will drink to Alevtina and dreams not attained, and I will drink to the friends of today.”
He jumped out the back, landing heavily on the trailer, and moved into his destroyed minivan.
Donut returned to Mongo’s back and sat with me. On either side were metallic bleachers, but they were empty. It was a strangely lonely feeling.
“Carl,” Donut said just as we crossed the finish line.
“Yeah?”
“We’re going to have to kill those bugbear guys eventually, right?”
“Probably,” I said.
“I hate this place,” she said. “I wish they were all like that stupid unicorn and his disgusting rat.”
“Me, too, Donut.”
Heat One. Results.
First Place: One Fine Pig.
Second Place: The Jugglers.
Third Place: Lady Dominators and the Gimp.
Fourth Place: The Wild Hunt.
Fifth Place: Girth the Trouble.
Sixth Place: Team Sparkles.
Seventh Place: The Royal Court of Princess Donut.
Eighth Place: Team Free Love.
Eliminated: The Trauco Triplets.
HEAT 2 OF 7
[ 6 ]
“One Fine Pig?”Donut asked, incredulous. “What kind of name is that? Also, we didn’t get to name our own team! The Royal Court is a fine name for our party, but as a racing team?—”