Carl: We’re on our way.
Ten minutes later, a group of us stood outside the garage door with the number 2. We were currently in a safe area, but the garage itself wasn’t a safe zone, so the rules were a little weird about what we could and couldn’t do to break in. My originalplan was to blow the whole thing off the tracks, but instead we decided to use Donut’sHolespell to get inside.
We’d get inside, disable Genesis and Rapture, and grab Corky. We’d drag him back to our garage, where Grigori would do the ceremony.
The fleshmancer had said the spell itself wasn’t too difficult if both halves were willing. We’d have to unzip both from their containment suits and keep both halves alive with spells or potions while we squished them together, which would be pretty gross. But once they were touching, he would cast a joining spell that would start the process to fuse them. And once they were together, there would be just a few short minutes before the two personalities would join.
“What’s going to happen to them, personality-wise?” I asked as we approached the garage. “They’ve been apart a really long time, and now they’re very different people.”
“I have no idea,” Grigori said. “But I’m looking forward to seeing the results. It’s a very interesting process, or so I’ve heard.”
“Wait, so you’ve never done this before?”
The tall mage shrugged. “It is quite rare for two halfsies to survive more than a few minutes after the casting ofSplit Personality, so I haven’t had the opportunity. I have witnessedMeldwork a few times, which is similar in terms of combining two minds, but in the case ofMeld, the party instituting the spell is the dominant personality.”
“What the hell is that?”
“It is when a creature consumes and joins with another. Slimes use the process, as do many demons and some types of succubae. Some versions are permanent. Some aren’t. When itispermanent but they don’t want it to be anymore, that’s when they look for someone like me. I specialize in fixing otherpeople’s mistakes. I’m not always successful, but I assure you, I’m the best there is.”
I thought again of Samantha and her quest to get her body back. I quickly explained everything that was going on with her.
“Yes, yes, I’m familiar,” he said, sounding dismissive. He oddly reminded me of one of many caseworkers I’d had as a teen. “Imani was telling me a bit about the situation. I would like to examine this so-called withering spirit, as what you describe is quite impossible. But if you need for her to regain a body, I have multiple options now that you’ve wasted the flesh golem.”
I grunted. “Let’s see how this goes first.”
Donut was shooting rapid-fire, singing-related questions at Porky, who hopped along on a single foot and was cheerfully answering them.
“Her name is Lover Illiana,” Donut was saying, talking about her singing booth in the training room. “She’s just a hologram lady, but she is quite helpful. Though I must say, I feel as if I’ve plateaued in my career. Miss Illiana cares more about my breaths and how I’m hitting the notes, which is good and all. But she has no real concept of show business, which is why I wanted to get into your guild. I am already an expert singer. What I need help with is bringing the house down.”
“I know that name,” Porky said as he hopped along. “Lover Illiana was a famed singer and renowned vocal coach. She died quite tragically, but her legend lives on. You are correct. Soaring vocals can bring the audience to the edge of their seat, but it’s the performance itself, your ability to connect with the audience that whisks them into the clouds with you. Any performance is 10% talent, 90% presence, I always say. A truly transcendent experience requires one to know their fans intimately. You want them to limp out of the theater after you’re done with them, gasping for breath as if you’ve just made love to their very soul. You want everything they experience after the fact to be staleand taste like ash because they know they’ll never experience joy like that again.”
“Exactly!” Donut said.
Elle: We’re in the guildhall common room if you want to join us.
Donut: YOU HAVE TO WAIT. I WANT TO SAY GOODBYE TO LI NA BEFORE SHE LEAVES.
Carl: Give us ten minutes. I hope this will go fast.
Tipid: Uh, guys, I hate to do this, but you might want to speed things up. Dong is sick. I’m not sure what’s wrong, but his health just started to dip. He has a debuff over his head that says “Negative ROI.” I don’t know what that means. I’ve never seen it before. And then Bucket Boy lost the sock.
Bucket Boy: This is different than last time! His health is going down slower, but I can see the debuff now. It’s a curse! I grabbed the sock and tried to ask it if it knew what was wrong, but the sock teleported away! I don’t know what happened!
Mordecai: The weapon attacked Bucket Boy but got teleported by the safe room rules. We’ve lost it. That thing could be anywhere. Goddamn sapient weapons. They’re always bad news.
Imani: If it’s a curse, we’ll need to bring him to a temple to cure him.
“Okay,” I whispered as we got to the door. “Donut castsHole, and we all jump in. We know they always keep Corky in there, but we’re not positive the two womantaurs are in. If they are, Louis will put them to sleep, and Imani will hit them with aSluggishdebuff. Britney and Donut will protect Grigori and Porky, and I’ll grab Corky. Then we’ll haul ass back to our garage and get it done. We’ll leave Louis and Britney outside the garage so they can’t break in to get him back. Are we ready?”
“Ready!” Donut said.
Dong Quixote: This is unbearable, Carl. You are doing this without giving me a chance to even say goodbye. He is the love of my life, and what you’re doing is going to change him forever. I am dying. He is being taken from me. I am right here on the other side of the door, and I can’t even see him.
I paused.Goddamnit.I suddenly felt like a huge asshole. I spent a half second considering it. But no. This was too important. We couldn’t risk something going wrong.
Carl: I’m sorry, Dong. I wish it could go another way. But if Porky sees you, he’s going to go apeshit, and none of this will work. As soon as we’re done with this, I promise, we’ll get you to a temple to get that curse removed.
“Donut, cast yourHole.”