She might not have wanted me in Caleb’s life at the end, but that was understandable. I’d come in and ruined so much for him. For all I know, it might have just been a bad response to the chemo that had her asking me to stay away after learning I’d been sleeping with her son under her roof. God, it must have felt like such a betrayal after all her kindness to me.
I feel a little sick to my stomach thinking about it. The woman had terminal cancer, and I’d sat there and smiled to her face all the while…
I stop mid-stride, which just happens to be right at the front yard of Helen’s house. Where I guess Caleb still lives. Silas said the memorial was being held at the old house.
Oh my God, what am I doing?
I shouldn’t have come.
I should turn back right now.
This was a stupid, selfish idea.
Caleb probably has a new wife and a passel of kids by now.
I forced myself never to look him up on social media. Okay, that’s another lie. Some lonely nights, after a few glasses of wine, I went hunting online. I could never find anything beyond a basic website for the Dungeon he took over for Dad, though. And the site is super discreet. Caleb is essentially a ghost online.
“Are you here for the memorial?” comes a voice from behind me as strains of music waft over the fence from the backyard.
I swing around to see a beautiful redheaded woman cradling a baby beside a giant of a man. I nod furiously because I don’t know why else I’d be standing in front of Helen’s yard looking longingly up at the house.
“Come on, then,” the woman smiles brightly. “This one made us late.” She jerks a thumb over her shoulder.
The man rolls his eyes good-naturedly and takes the baby from her.
“Did you know Helen?” she asks, smiling in a friendly way.
Uh oh. I wasn’t supposed to be noticed by anyone. Or answer questions from too-nice fellow memorial-goers. Time to shut this down.
“A little,” I say with a small shrug.
“Through her work at the community center? Caleb always talks about Helen so much. I wish I could have met her.”
So these people are Caleb’s friends. I just nod again as I follow them toward the gate to the backyard.
They’ve clearly been here before. Probably for backyard barbecues. They look rich. Did they meet at baby daycare? Does Caleb have an equally beautiful wife I’m about to see hovering around him, holding an equally beautiful baby?
It’s a stupid thought. Absolutely ridiculous.
God, I really shouldn’t have come.
But it’s too late now. I’m being shepherded along by the lovely redhead wearing Prada, and it would be socially awkward to break away and sprint back toward my car.
Still, everything in me starts to absolutelypanicas I walk through the gate into the backyard I still remember with creepy precision even after all these years. My eyes lift to the balcony where I used to smoke and stare out so many nights, dreaming of a future that’s turned out so different from everything I imagined.
And then my eyes land on?—
Him.
Caleb.
Ten years vanish in a single heartbeat.
He’s standing near the lectern on a raised platform that’s been set up, talking to a priest. I stop breathing.
He’s taller. Broader through the shoulders in a way that makes the perfectly tailored black suit look like it was made for him. Which it probably was. His hair is the same dark shade, but shorter now, styled in a way that screams expensive barbershop instead of the DIY cuts Helen used to give him.
But it’s his face that guts me.