All. The. Fucking. Time.
Here it is.Staring me in the face.
I’m a data-driven person, and—while I knew what I had beenfeelingall along—here’s hard evidence, right in front of me.
Timmyisan abuser.
And I one hundred percent did the right thing by filing this restraining order.
Now I just need the local cops to do their part and serve the bloody thing.
In Timmy’s absence, I update my friend Stacey, and we research the crap out of narcissism, messaging back and forth. That’s one of Stacey’s superpowers, just like mine—we can find out anything about any topic, and we’re very thorough.
With each layer we uncover, we discover that Timmy checks all the boxes for narcissistic personality disorder and then some.
Stacey:
You realize people like him don’t change, right?
Me:
Well, maybe he just hasn’t had the right environment or support.
He hasn’t lived with his parents since he was a teenager, so maybe he hasn’t been around the right influences.
Stacey:
But you haven’t lived with your parents since you were a teenager either, and look how much you’ve accomplished.
You didn’t use it as an excuse to act out or expect people to take care of you.
You forged a career and you worked and you made friends and a chosen family.
He had the same opportunities as you did, if not more, and he chose to fritter it away on a diet of drugs and alcohol and violent behaviors, predominantly against women.
I know she’s right, but I find myself defending him, holding out a naive hope that maybe he’s the exception, despite the data.
Me:
I know what the statistics say, but he really seems to be trying.
And there’s a really small percentage of people who can turn this around.
I’m seeing progress, truly.
Stacey isn’t one to sugarcoat, and she’s not going to go along with my delusions.
Stacey:
Well, I’m telling you now… based on past behavior and statistics, this is unlikely to change. This relationship is toxic and you clearly love him, but he doesn’t deserve to be with someone like you.
Me:
But he makes me feel so loved and wanted and needed. He makes me feel beautiful.
Stacey:
He also breaks your skull, my dear. That’s not normal behavior.