Lol, thanks boo.
Alice:
You know, since marriage is legal and shit.
Her humor coaxes a laugh out of me. It feels good, even if it’s fleeting.
Me:
I’m meeting his fam in person next week in Montana.
You know I’m a serial marrier right? 3 and counting.
Alice:
Montana is so pretty!
Me:
Yeah, I went there with D once on a vacation and it was so fun!!
Alice:
So his family is cool. What does he do that isn't cool?
I hesitate but then let it spill out.
Me:
Yell, and say he’s going to kill me. And one time he tried to strangle me.
He can’t handle liquor. Otherwise he’s quite nice.
I’m rolling my eyes at myself typing this out.
He also sleeps in until almost midday, and then watches movies all day while I scrape through my savings paying rent. Gosh, he is a WINNER. I really have hit the jackpot, haven’t I?!
There’s a pause before Alice replies. I can almost feel her weighing her words carefully.
Alice:
Look, I know you already know what I'll probably say, so I just am going to write out this sentence as a placeholder.
The only thing I am actually going to be super blunt about is that strangling and, "I'm going to kill you" deal, because that, in cruel statistics, bodes very badly for you, and that makes me really worried.
Her words are sobering, like a cool splash of water. A reminder of just how far I’ve let this go.
Me:
I know, and thank you. I have been googling. He has stopped doing that, just was yelling yesterday. And I got so mad I yelled louder and got told off by my apartment. That’s not me.
Alice:
It doesn't sound like you.
Her kindness gives me permission to admit the parts of myself I’ve been ashamed of. I tell her more about my yelling, about getting written up by the building, about how theneighbors seem to have no issue with Timmy’s tirades, but suddenly cared whenIraisedmyvoice.
Alice: