And the sleeve tattoo is something I’ve contemplated for years—I think black and white tattoos are so gorgeous– and I find an artist in the Mission District to consult with. He’s from Brazil, and loves the idea that I want to get a tropical-themed tattoo done in San Francisco that will link my move from there to Sunset Cay.
Over the next week, I get both done—my piercer is an exquisitely alternative woman who gives me total roller derby vibes and I immediately feel comfortable letting her shove sharp needles through my nipples. From her experience, nipple piercings are empowering, and I love it when she tells me they’re an intimate piercing that I have control over, in terms of whether I choose to show them to the world or not, on any given day—“you could wear a thin bikini if you want the bars to show through, so people are very aware you have them, and on other days, you can choose to wear something with a bit morepadding—you get to decide.” She gives me solid advice on aftercare, and I leave the studio feeling like a million bucks.
And the tattoo goes well, too—it takes about six hours in total, my tattoo artist chatting theentiretime on every topic you could think of.
I don’t mind the pain at all, and in fact, I quite enjoy the sensation of the needles distributing ink all over my upper arm, creating wild patterns with plumeria, hibiscus, and gorgeous, detailed leaves. He’s animated, funny, interested in dark romance, and possibly even more excited about my move to Sunset Cay than me.
Looking at myself in the mirror, I already feel like I’m stepping into my new life, and I couldn’t be more eager to start the next phase.
3
A FORK IN THE ROAD
The Past
With Work Colleagues at Happy Hour, a few months before the move
Colleague 1: Who’s your hall pass person?
Colleague 2: I really like Alexander Skaarsgard.
Colleague 1: Oooh, good choice. He’s hot. Margaux, what about you?
Me: Me? I don’t really have one.
Colleague 2: Come on, there must be a celebrity you find attractive.
Me: (thinking about it)
Hmm… maybe Steve Peacocke back in the day, when he was in Home & Away?
Colleague 1: Let me see a picture? Oh, you like tattooed surfers,Margaux! I see you!
The Present
The days drag on, the countdown to my move looming high in my mind.
I let my work know that I’m moving, and suddenly there’s an unanticipated issue that threatens to derail my entire move.
“We’re not set up in that part of the state,” they say. “Anywhere except Sunset Cay would be fine, but you can’t move there.”
I’m gobsmacked. “But there are people who work from there now and that’s okay? I was literally in a meeting with someone working from there the other day. They’ve been there like a year, and it hasn’t been an issue.”
“Well, that’s not official. We weren’t aware of it, because they clearly didn’t follow the proper process. And we don’t want you to operate from there. It’s our prerogative as a company, Margaux. The decision is final. If you move there, you can’t work for us anymore.”
“Are you serious?” I plead. “I’ve signed a lease. The move is happening. This is so unfair!”
Meetings are held, and many very senior people advocate for me, but a couple of senior execs won’t budge on their very arbitrary decision.
I’m shocked, and there’s a part of me that feels defeated, like it might just be easier to figure things out and stay in the same city.
But I’m deeply unhappy with my work, and if I found another job here, I’d just be staying for that. The city’s great, but I’m in desperate need of a fresh start. I only moved here because of my now ex’s job limitations. Staying here is just not feasible for me.
So I crunch the numbers based on this new scenario, and I figure out that if I cash out my stock, I have enough to support myself getting set up on the island while pursuing writing full time. As scary as it is, I take it as a sign from the universe that I’m meant to make this jump. I was always planning on doing it at some stage. And after the year I’ve had, I’m ready to be out of the corporate world, and to do the work that sustains my soul.
Like it or not, ready or not, I’m about to become a full-time author much earlier than anticipated.
Over the following few weeks,my brain starts to get a little loopy.