Three chefs. Nope. Nope. Nope.
I continue flicking through and unmatch a few more, and then I force myself to close out of the app even though I haven’t gone through the hundreds of guys who have already liked her profile. I know I can’t go too crazy, because she’ll notice if suddenly her Tinder is empty. That would be a hard one to explain.
And this is probably a creepy thing to do. But I’m doing it for the right reasons.
To protect Margaux. Just like I always have.
6
GUNS, GUTS & GRINDR
The Past
Paulo: Stop dating chefs.
Me: No.
Paulo: Stop dating chefs with tattoos.
Me: No! Good luck finding any haha.
Paulo: Stop dating chefs with tattoos on their faces.
Me: No!
Paulo: Stop dating chefs with tattoos of food on their faces.
Me: (Sigh) Fine.
The Present
I text my good friend Paulo some pictures and he replies instantly. We’re both fans of a good perv on the dating apps. He’ll send me his from Grindr and Hinge from time to time, and I’ll send him Tinder and Bumble.
Paulo:
Nathan is cute, he’s my favorite.
Dan looks okay. He’s older. Need more info.
Why is Timmy wearing a human spine, and what is he doing with that gun?
And surfing instructor dude looks like he’s on drugs or something.
I laugh.
His comments make me zoom in on Timmy’s photos. Paulo has always been way more observant than me, his inner artist noticing the details that my own scattered brain glosses right over. I realize that the things I thought were branches are actually some kind of antlers, as well as something that looks like… I want to say, a spine that he’s wearing as a necklace? I guess that is kind of weird.
And then one where he’s pointing a gun out a window into what looks like a forest. I’m reminded that sometimes I can overlook things like this. I thought in the one with the gun he was just sitting at a window. I was distracted by the cute expression on his face, swiveled around to face the camera. He looks happy and free.
Me:
Oh man, I didn’t even notice the gun.
Paulo:
I figured. It didn’t seem like your kind of guy. Pro-gun, hunter, man of the wild.
Me: