And now, we wait.
The next day
I help Yara with her homework at the table, half an eye on my computer for any notifications. With each passing hour, my hope deflates like a sad, wrinkled balloon.
Of course no one is interested. Why did I think anything would be different this time? Sure, I'm what might be considered pretty. Beautiful, even. But I'm a single mother and I'm not as young as I used to be. And there's plenty of supply around here when it comes to beautiful, young women without children who would do just about anything for the promise of a better life.
Yara looks up from her math problems, her brow furrowed. "Still nothing, Mama?"
I force a smile and brush her hair from her eyes. "It'll happen, darling. These things take time."
Her expression says she knows I'm lying, but she nods and returns to her work. No twelve-year-old should have eyes that sad. That wise. And I feel guilty for even telling her that I'm trying this plan. Exposing her to the idea that we need a man to save us and that being on some flesh farm of a dating app is going to change that. But she's smart, and I feel like it's better to be honest than to keep things from her.
Secrecy is what led to our current situation, and it's not what is going to get us out. Plus, I need more than anything for her to know that I'm trying, and that I'm not settling for this life for either of us.
When my computer chimes at last, I startle. With shaking fingers, I reach for the mouse and click to read the message.
Man 1: Hey beautiful, you looking to come to America? ??
My stomach sinks. I've seen this before—these conversations generally turn into a thinly veiled offer for a green card marriage, cash in exchange for whatever they want. A sea of scammers, ironically preying on people more vulnerable and with much less than them.
Yara peers at me, hope flickering to life in her eyes. I rub at the tension gathering behind my forehead and type a reply.
Me: Thank you, but I'm really just looking for someone who understands me and what I'm trying to build for my daughter.
Man 1: Sounds like you need to loosen up a bit. Come have some fun ?? I can show you a good time.
I sigh. That's what all of them want. Money or sex.
I end the conversation and block his profile. When several more messages come in, all with the same sleazy overtures, I close the app altogether.
Yara's gaze drops back to the table, her shoulders slumping.
"It's okay, kitten," I say, reaching out to squeeze her hand. "We knew it might take time to find someone good."
Someone who wants us, not just what he can take. But with each leering message, my faith in finding that person dwindles.
In this life we've been given, hope is a luxury I can't afford.
Hope, after all, can be even more dangerous than its absence.
The next day, I open the dating app with low expectations. But a new message catches my eye. The sender's name is Gerald.
Gerald: Hi Alina, nice to 'meet' you. Your profile got my attention. Not just your beauty, because you are absolutely stunning, but the strength I see in your words. I hope you're having a wonderful week. Tell me, what dreams do you have for you and your daughter in America?
A genuine question. No mention of sex or money or unrealistic promises. As if he actually read my profile and didn't just jerk off to the pictures and slide into my DMs. I read through it again, searching for the hidden agenda, but find only sincerity. Of course, he could just be a more complex scammer or creep than most, so I'm still on guard. But this is much more promising than any of the prior conversations men have tried to start on the app.
Heart quickening, I type a reply.
Me: Hello Gerald. It's nice to meet you. I hope you're having a wonderful week as well. That's quite a question to start with. We have many dreams, but the most important would be for a safe and stable life, a fresh start.
I add'Maybe that's too much to hope for', but then backspace until it's deleted. It sounds too cynical, too raw, and again, nobody truly wants to hear another's problems.
Gerald: A fresh start isn't too much to ask for. With your spirit, I believe anything's possible. And I must say, the idea ofadding two beautiful ladies to my life is quite the incentive to help make those dreams come true.
I laugh in disbelief and delight, a knot of tension in my chest unraveling. When was the last time a man's words made me feel valued, rather than degraded? And the fact I have a daughter doesn't seem to have phased him in the slightest.
Me: You have quite a way with words, Gerald. And here I thought charm was a lost art.