Kaden began to slowly wrap the rope through the rigging system, and soon I began to feel the slack start to tighten. I felt my weight shift from my feet to my back as my toes lifted from the padded floor. My body was angled, supported only by the rope. It was exhilarating. There was a rush of pure adrenaline and I could feel my body questioning where the ground had gone, but the rope embraced me.
The vulnerability felt extreme, but I trusted him. “Where are you, Val?” he checked in again.
“I’m flying free,” I responded gleefully.
I could hear the smile in his voice as he announced he was going to take me higher, and soon, I was a floating pendulum of trust, swinging a foot off the ground. It was a beautiful moment complete with my body being helpless.
The anxiety I had was annihilated by this sacred moment. Here, there was no shame, just art. There was no fear, just trust. Kaden had taken my physical lack of power in a situation and used his strength to turn it into my greatest source of safety. It was a dizzying, emotional high. I was safe because I had made the choice to let go.
I let out a cry of relief and euphoria. Kaden stepped forward, his gaze was protective and blazing with raw desire. “I’ve got you,” he promised. “You are safe, beautiful.”
He didn’t make me feel like I was owned. I felt cherished. With Kaden, I finally felt the electric truth of a safe surrender and I wanted him in more ways than one.
Kaden gently lowered me and released me from being held captive. He pulled me in for a deep kiss that signaled he wanted me as much as I did him.
Thirty Two
Kaden
The light woke me first. It sliced through the window, announcing a day I wasn’t ready to face. I would much rather stay in bed, ignoring the responsibilities waiting for me. The second thing, though, was the weight of Val’s hand resting peacefully on my chest – an anchor holding me down.
I lay as still as possible, so as not to wake her. The body beside me was warm, soft, and looked like an angel in her sleep. I turned my head slightly so I could watch her. Her face was peaceful, the lines of tension and old nightmares had been erased.
Removing the rope clinging to Val’s body last night was a moment between us I wished I could hold onto forever. The look of freedom sparkling in her eye, the imprints of the rope forming in her skin, was beautiful. Last night, I held her weight, suspended between two worlds.
Today? I simply heldher.
My gaze dropped down to her arms, the faint marks left by the rope were fading patterns against her pale skin, but theywere still slightly visible. Physical proof she had given me all of her.
Taking Val to explore shibari felt like a high stakes risk in our dynamic. Her history demanded perfection. My oath demanded I be her ultimate protector, and she was required to surrender completely. If I had failed, if any knot had slipped or been deemed unworthy, or worst of all, the memory of her past overwhelmed her, I could have shattered it all.
Val had taken so many great strides in healing and here I was still holding her on a pedestal, worried with one wrong move she could shatter into a million pieces. I needed to trust myself as much as she trusted me and stop letting my past hinder my future.
You’re not a real man.Isabella’s words attempted to cut through and ruin the moment. I never wanted to admit to anyone some of the things she would say to me. Perhaps fate had dictated this exact outcome. She would cut me down, and I would work hard to build myself back up, immersing every spare moment into the gym.
I glanced back over to Val. We worked, we built each other up and cheered each other on. I couldn’t have asked for a better partner. She was a survivor, and when I heard her euphoric cry, I knew the truth had taken hold: she was no longer powerless. She was no longer submitting to her abuse. Seeing her suspended in what most would think was a helpless way, was a fierce command with her choice.
Grasping her hand in mine, I traced along her soft skin with my thumb. “My love,” I mumbled, keeping my voice low. I needed to check-in and ensure her mind was back in her body and she was fully grounded. I also needed her to drink water before I got her coffee, a task I knew would prove quite a challenge.
Val stirred instantly, her eyes blinking open slowly, quickly finding mine. There was no confusion or panic, only a serene recognition defining our connection.
She cleared her throat. “Kaden.” Her words came out as a whisper.
“Good morning, beautiful.” I smiled and brushed a lock of hair away from her cheek. “How are you?”
Val reached up and stretched deeply. “I’m here.” She smiled. “Just quiet.”
I nodded. “Quiet is good. What about your body?”
“It all aches perfectly, she admitted. “Like I spent a night fighting instead of running.” She tilted her head toward the faint marks left on her skin.
Pulling her hand up to my lips, I kissed up her arm. “The rope held you where the rest of the world couldn’t, and you did amazing.”
Her eyes were suddenly shining with emotion. “I just keep thinking... I spent countless hours in the studio, posing, faking the feelings in front of a camera, trying to make shibari look sexy or dangerous depending on what I was instructed. It was all so hollow, and I was so naive. Last night, I discovered the truth.” She paused. “I could let go because I knew your knots were stronger than my fear.”
Those words hit like a blow to my chest. They wiped away any lingering doubt I had. My desire for dominance had always been terrifyingly close to my history of feeling powerless. In the past, it was just a role. Looking back, it was probably just a performance, even though it all felt so real. Val had provided me with the vessel to channel the energy into something responsible. She was healing parts of me I didn’t even fully realize were broken. We were both broken and together we had been able to heal each other without force.
I shifted, pulling her closer to me and kissed her forehead. I stroked her hair, letting the silence settle for a few moments. “It seems like you’re finally getting the peace you have been chasing for the past several years.” I kissed her forehead again. “Do you know how knowing this affects me?”