The cool night air breezed through my hair.
Thirty minutes ago, Kaden was announcing his return to the octagon, and I was navigating a sea of silk, champagne flutes, and slight pain when I shifted a certain way in my seat. Each time I winced, I could see the satisfaction cross his face.
I played with the collar Kaden had given me as the trees and houses whirred past us. The mountains once in the distance crept up on us and it didn’t take long for me to figure out where he was taking me. Club Red. The anticipation thrumming in my chest matched the powerful growl of Kaden’s engine. His hand rested on top of my thigh. At the banquet, he had been more reserved, but here in the dark, Kaden’s entire presence shifted and he began radiating a quiet, focused intensity making my breath hitch.
We parked and he killed the engine. “Are you ready?” His voice was a growl that vibrated through the interior of the car.
I figured we were here for round two of impact. I couldn’t imagine taking any more whacks to the same spots he had hitlast night, but I trusted him completely. “Are you going to tell me what we are doing here?” I inquired.
He smiled and then licked his lower lip. “I reserved the suspension room for us tonight. There’s no rush for us to hurry, do our thing, and leave because someone is waiting impatiently.” He paused. “We can take things as slowly as necessary. It will just be you, me, and the rope.”
The mention of the rope sent a welcome shiver down my spine. The way this man listens to my wants and desires is nothing short of amazing. I had no idea when I had expressed my desire to explore shibari in our dynamic, that he would make it happen so quickly. Let alone renting out an entire room to make sure we could take our time. I felt my face flush.
“Of course, if you don’t want to, I won’t force anything.” He assured me.
I glanced back toward the entrance of Club Red, anticipation building up inside me. “I’m so excited!” I squealed.
???
The suspension room was simple, dominated by high ceilings with dark wooden beams and a complex rigging system. The flooring was more of a padded mat, thick to ensure safety. The only sound, once the door was closed, was the air pushing through the vents. This room felt less like a dungeon and more like a cathedral built for a specific type of worship.
At the center of the room there was a low bench with an assortment of thick, natural, beige colored hemp. I slowly walked over and grasped it in my hands, letting it drape between my fingers. Kaden walked up behind me and gently placed his hands on my shoulders and buried his face into the crook of myneck. His warm breath and soft kisses enveloped me like the rope would be soon.
Slowly, he took the rope out of my hands and examined it and the rest of the options laid out on the table before us. “If at any point you’re uncomfortable or have a hard time breathing, I need you to say something.” His eyes were piercing. “Do you understand?”
I nodded.
“I need you to use your words,” he commanded.
Taking a deep breath and controlling my exhale, I smiled at him before responding. “I do.” The words came out steadily and with confidence.
“Good. Now, come here, my love.” He gestured to me to stand in a specific spot.
My body began to sing with a mixture of fear and anticipation. The fear wasn’t fueled by my lack of trust, in fact, I trusted Kaden more than I trusted myself. It was more about giving up all claim to my own gravity and support.
When I experienced abuse, I was battling for ground to get my footing and fighting to stand on my own two feet. Now, in this moment, I was with someone I trusted enough to willingly let go of the ground entirely. It was an overwhelming, yet empowering, moment. Another opportunity to heal. He gestured at me to hold my arms above my head as he slipped my dress off, leaving me to stand in my heels and black lace panties and bra.
He had me do a little twirl so he could take a look at his handiwork from the previous night. Satisfied, Kaden took my hands in his and began at my wrists, wrapping the thick hemp in a meditative rhythm. It was soft against my skin. Our eyes met and he held my gaze as he continued wrapping, checking to make sure he wasn’t making it too tight. Then, he wrapped the first knot.
It was simple, yet elegant and it did its job securing my wrists together. The rope didn’t bite; it molded. There was pressure and not constriction. It was a completely new experience compared to when I was modeling.
He moved his face close to my ear. “Where are you, Val?” The softness in his voice interrupted my thoughts.
I smiled. “I’m okay. Green.”
Next, he set his focus on my torso. This was where the actual support would come from if he decided I was ready to be suspended tonight. He built the harness – a complex web of rope wrapped around my chest and waist. The pressure increased, but not in a dangerous way. It was all external, purposeful. I could still breathe deeply. I could still move my head and neck. My core was just encased in safe and supportive architecture.
Closing my eyes, I set my focus solely on the sensation of the rope. It felt like being held by a dozen different hands, each one firm and reliable. The tension in the rope shifted into a physical manifestation of Kaden’s oath of protection. Each pass of the rope was a spoken word in our private, sacred contract.
Once the harness was complete, Kaden stepped back to admire his skills. There I was, completely wrapped from waist to wrist. It was a feeling of being utterly helpless and yet simultaneously empowered by the beauty of our commitment to one another. “Suspend me?” I asked as he appeared deep in thought.
Kaden raised a brow. “Is that a request or a demand?” I began to stumble over my words once I realized how it had sounded. He approached me, cupping my cheek in his hand. “If you’re ready, I will gladly suspend you. I think you would enjoy yourself. In the future, however, remember I am always observing you and will only allow things to proceed when I feel you are to that point. Today, we are just going to do a partial suspension, so you can get the feel of things.”
I nodded. “Yes, sir.” I knew he held my best interests at heart, and sometimes Icouldget a bit too excited and jump all in when I might need a bit more time and experience. I watched as Kaden walked over and grasped a heavy-duty carabiner. He came back over to me and attached it to the central anchor point of the rope harness, high between my shoulder blades. The sound of the metal clicking shut made me eager with excitement.
He was serious and controlled. “I’m going to lift you in two stages. Focus on my voice and breathing. If you start to panic, I need you to tell me.” His steady hand rested against my lower back. “Ready?”
“I’m ready.” I breathed out as my heart began to hammer against my chest.