No. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I was supposed to tell him, and he’d freak out and promise to protect me, and I’d tell him it was nothing, but I’d take his protection, and then it would all be okay.
He wasn’t supposed to tell me it was a million times worse than I thought. We weren’t supposed to be blaming each other. And he wasn’t supposed to be standing there afraid to touch me. Like I’d fall apart. Or rip his head off.
I took his hands and wrapped them around my waist. He hesitated for a heartbeat before pulling me in, his arms locking tight, and I held him just as tightly, my head on his chest.
“I’m sorry, Firefly,” he breathed into my hair.
“Stop saying that. Just tell me everything.”
I sat on the edge of the bed, Thor’s head on my lap, and listened in shock. I’d wondered why he’d been in such a rush to leave after Dylan’s party. I never imagined it was because he had information about the rapist.
“I could’ve prevented her rape. Could’ve kept you from danger. And you’re still in danger until we find him. I’m s?—"
“Do not apologize again. It’s not your fault. You couldn’t have known. At least you saw him. I’d seen him before, and I didn’t even notice. Maybe it can still help.”
“I need to call Quint, and we need to figure out a plan to keep you safe.” Liam sat and tucked me against his side. “I will keep you safe, I promise.”
“I know you will.”Probably. Hopefully.
“After we talk to Quint, we need to talk about how badly we fucked this up by hiding it from each other.”
I nodded, my cheek rubbing against his chest. “Do you think…did he see us by the lake?”
His arm tightened around me. “I don’t think so. I looked around to make sure we were alone, and when we got to the car, he was already sitting on the bench.”
That was good. It was trivial compared to the rest, but it mattered.
He called Quint, and I only heard Liam’s half of the conversation, but I heard enough to know Quint wasn’t on the case, and the cop in charge of it was an arrogant asshole that neither of them liked or trusted. Great.
“Don’t worry, Firefly. We’ll tell the cops what we know, and then I’ll call in my people. We’ll get to the bottom of it before that idiot figures out his ass from his elbow. In the meantime, until we find him, I’m not letting you out of my sight.”
“Okay.” I wasn’t arguing with that. I’d be stupid to deny I needed his protection from Snake Eyes, the rapist stalker. How could this be happening?
“Are you okay staying at my house? It’s more secure than here. I can sleep in the guest room if you want.”
“I liked sleeping with you last night.”
Liam’s expression softened. “Me too.” He paused. Watched Thor for a long moment before meeting my eyes again. “Why did you keep it from me, Firefly?”
Because I’m all kinds of screwed up. And because I love you.“I figured I was probably overreacting, but I knew if I told you, you’d worry. And that would make me worry more. And you’d get overprotective and make it hard for me to keep living my life, all because I freaked out over nothing. I didn’t want that fear to overshadow my happiness—our happiness—especially now, when things are just starting with us, and it’s been so good. I… You’re not going to like this.”
He raised an eyebrow. This probably wasn’t going to go over well, but there was no more holding back.
“I have this...philosophy, I guess you could call it. Since most people are good, but it’s impossible to know who the bad ones are, I try to assume everyone is good. So I’m nice to people. I go places and I try things, even if they scare me. I’m still cautious, but even when I’m uncomfortable, I try to ignore the uncomfortableness so I can live my life and be happy.”
“You’re right.”
“Really?”
“I hate it.”
Oh. “I do try not to be reckless. Just...optimistic. If I don’t assume people are good and bad things are unlikely to happen, I’ll be afraid of everyone and everything. I can’t live in fear.”
“Being cautious doesn’t mean you’re living in fear. It’s fine to be afraid. It’s also fine to be daring. The part I hate is that you’re ignoring your feelings and purposefully doing things that make you uneasy.”
I flinched, that tiny prick of blame so subtle I doubt he even heard it, yet so damn clear it echoed through every nerve of my body, fury following right behind it. “You can say that because you’re a man and you’re huge and you’re a soldier. Butyour situational awareness crap is BS. And judgmental. Because whatever you think you see in a person that makes you decide they’re good or bad, it’s superficial and biased. Evil doesn’t have a look. Every person and every damn situation has the potential to be dangerous! Anything can happen anywhere. From a dark alley to my bedroom, nowhere is guaranteed to be safe. I can’t live like that, though! If I avoid everything dangerous, I’ll be terrified of my own shadow. I can’t trust my judgment. No one ever knows for sure, and especially not me. So if I can’t tell, and I refuse to live in fear of everything, I have to accept that it’ll probably be okay and hope for the best. It sucks, but out of those options, I choose the one that gives me a chance at happiness.”
“Firefly…”