That was an overly innocent way to say it, and I appreciated his discretion, although it also confirmed that he already knew way more than I wanted him to. I pushed away the worry about what he knew and what he thought about it, and let myself be grateful that I didn’t have to spell it out. I nodded, and his hands tightened around me, but he didn’t react any more than that.
“Do you want to just hang out for a bit, or do you want to kiss more, keeping it all above the waist?”
I didn’t want to end things with me freaking out. “You’re okay with just kissing?”
“Of course. I love kissing you. You’re the one who tried to take it further,” he reminded me gently.
“I wanted to...get the first time over with.”
Liam shook his head, his beard rubbing against my hair. “We’re not going to treat being intimate like pulling off a bandage. We’ll go further when we’re ready, whenever that is. No rush.”
Relief and appreciation flooded my veins, for his use of the wordweas much as everything else he’d said. I palmed his cheek, like he always did to me, and kissed him. “Thank you,” I whispered against his lips.
He nipped my lip lightly. “Anything for you, Firefly.”
We kissed and it was nice, but it wasn’t the same as before. I think he was also trying to get back to where we were, but it wasn’t working. I pulled back. “I should let Thor out of the bedroom. I feel bad leaving him in there so long.”
“Can I get him?” Liam asked. “I need to keep earning his affection.”
My heart melted a little more. “Of course. Thanks.”
Seconds after he left, Thor barreled in and leaped onto the couch. A few moments passed before Liam finally followed. He pulled me to my feet. “We should call it a night. Are you okay?” His voice sounded weird. Serious and sad. And he was holding just my hands, keeping me at arm’s length.
My heart fell, splattered at his feet. This was what I was afraid of. I wanted to wrap my arms around him and beg him not to leave upset with me, but I forced a smile and a polite voice instead. “Yeah, I’m good. I had a really nice night. Thank you for everything.”
“Good. I had a great time too,” he said stiffly.
“Are you okay?” I asked, even though I was afraid of his answer.
He swallowed before he answered in a husky voice. “Yes.”
He didn’t sound okay. “Are you upset because…” I drifted off, not sure how to finish. Because the kissing got weird? Because I didn’t tell him? Because I accidentally confirmed what he already thought? Because he figured out that my baggage was more trouble than I was worth?
“I’m not upset. I had a great night, Firefly.” Didn’t sound like he had a great night. Not anymore, at least.
Did I ruin things by freaking out? Could I fix it? Tears burned the back of my eyes, and I had to get him out of my apartment quickly before they fell. Before he refused to leave. Because, despite whatever was going through his mind right now, I knew he wouldn’t leave me in the middle of a meltdown, and I didn’t want him to see that. “Talk to you soon. Thank you again.”
The corners of his lips dipped down and his eyebrows lowered. “I’ll talk to you soon, and I’ll see you again soon too, Jenna.” He hesitated like he wanted to say more, but he justkissed my forehead and turned to the door. “Lock up behind me.”
Then he was gone.
“What happened, Thor?” He whined and licked my tears, but even his hug couldn’t piece my heart back together.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
Liam
I pumped my arms and legs, pounding down the dark road. My lungs burned and sweat soaked through my shirt, but I couldn’t outrun the rage blazing through me.
Of all the things, it was her fucking bedroom that put me over the edge. Not her getting scared while we were out—once possibly from catching sight of the erection I couldn’t fucking control. Not her almost admitting that her neighbor had fucking abused her. It wasn’t even how she’d panicked when she tried to touch my cock. Her courage for that impressed me, not that I’d let her touch me if it required bravery to do so.
No, it was her fucking bedroom. Her bed was pushed into the corner of the room, even though there was plenty of space to center it. It reminded me of the guys in the Army who’d sleep with their backs to the wall, when they were able to sleep at all. The nightlight and the baseball bat propped between her bed and the nightstand corroborated that scenario.
A scenario where Jenna lay in bed scared and helpless, first as a little girl trapped in a real-life nightmare, and now as an adult, still scared, as much as she tried to hide it.
Her apartment was a perfect metaphor for her. On the surface, it was warm and bright, with colorful pillows and blankets and happy pictures, like the Texas longhorn in a field of wildflowers hanging over her dresser, but the scared little girl she once was still lurked under the surface. Sweet on the outside, scared on the inside.
I’d known it from the moment I met her, but tonight was the first time seeing it up close and personal, and I fucking hated it.