“Jenna, I don’t want to leave, but I don’t think we?—”
“Please. I want to. I’ve been thinking about kissing you all night. All week.”
He held my gaze for a long moment, then he slid his hand around my neck and grabbed a handful of hair. His mouth hovered just above mine. “Me too, Firefly. Me too.”
He kissed me sweetly at first until I moaned, and then his hand tightened around my hair and his tongue drove into my mouth. Our tongues dueled and our breaths mingled, and it was the best kiss of my life.
He pushed back, just enough to see each other, and his eyes bounced between mine. A small smile tipped his lips up, and he pulled me back in. Belatedly, I realized that was him checking in on me, and warmth bloomed through my chest.
Lost in his kiss, I explored the ridges and valleys of his chest and abs, and he smoothed his hands down my back, over my hips, up my sides. His thick, powerful muscles tensed under my hands, but his touch remained whisper soft. I was drunk on his kisses and his touch. I circled his pecs, so broad and strong, my fingers grazing his nipple before I gently, experimentally pinched the little nub. He groaned into my mouth, and a moan tore from my chest. Tendrils of desire burned everywhere he touched, flaming through my body, waking up a need I’d never felt before...and then the disgust and fear that came racing along with it.
No! I liked kissing Liam. I liked touching him and having him touch me. It wasn’t like…him. I tried to push those thoughts away, but it was like trying to stop a wildfire with a water gun. I glanced down, and just as I knew it would, his erection loomed toward me.
I could touch him there too. I just had to get the first time over with, and then it wouldn’t be so bad.
Liam pulled back. “Firefly?”
I grabbed his face and threw myself into kissing him, and I put my hand on his leg. His thick, muscular thigh didn’t feel like Brian’s. That was a good start. I caressed up his leg, inching closer to my destination, letting myself remember what to do once I got there. Choosing to use what Brian taught me was proof that he hadn’t broken me, right?
Liam’s hand dropped onto mine, trapping it, stopping me from making my way to his penis.
“Stop, Jenna.” His free hand came up to my jaw and gently pushed me away, tipping my face up toward his. “Not like this. When you’re ready, you’ll tell me the reason your heart is pounding so hard that I see it pulsing in your throat.” He dragged his hand down the front of my neck, resting it over my collarbone, the heat of his hand chasing the chill away.
He slid his hand up, over my shoulder, gently squeezing it. “The reason every muscle in your body is tense.”
He pulled my hand up and pressed a kiss to it. “The reason your hand is trembling,” he whispered brokenly against my palm, and then he lowered it to his chest, his big hand still covering mine, but in safer territory.
“Then, when I know what you’re thinking and feeling and why, I’m going to help make it so that when you’re with me, you only see me. I’ll fill every inch of your mind, leaving no room for anyone or anything else. And then, we can see about taking things further. Okay?”
I shook my head.
“No?”
Tears burned my eyes, and I tried to blink them away. I didn’t want him to see me cry. I pulled back and he immediately dropped his hands, letting me move away. He leaned back into the corner of the couch, hands loose at his sides.
“Sorry. I’m okay.”
“There’s nothing to be sorry for,” he said gently. “And you don’t have to be okay, especially not for me.”
“I want to be okay, though,” I whispered.
He slid his hand along the couch, settling it between us. I reached out, and our fingers locked, holding tight.
“I know, Firefly, but what you’re feeling is real, and your feelings matter.” He paused, searching my face. “Do you want to talk about it?”
“No.” Disappointment flickered across his face before he quickly hid it, and I rushed to explain. “I want to tell you. I will tell you soon. I just hoped...I don’t know...that maybe we could fool around a little before you knew, so it could be...normal.”
He squeezed my hand, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. “Jenna,” he said quietly. “I know there’s something in your past that makes you nervous around guys. I’ve known it for almost as long as I’ve known you. Telling me what it is won’t make anything awkward. I promise.” His voice softened even more. “I want to know everything about you. If we’re going to be together, and there’s nothing I want more than that, I need to know what you’re comfortable with.”
I didn’t trust my voice, so I just nodded.
Liam opened his arm, inviting me into his side, and I dove in, burying my head in that spot between his neck and shoulder, my body a safe distance from his penis. His arm slowly lowered onto me, and I knew without a doubt that if I gave any indication Iwanted out, he’d let me go. I took a few deep breaths, letting his warm body and his comforting woodsy, minty scent soothe me.
“You seemed to be enjoying it when we were just kissing and touching?” he asked.
“Yes. I liked that.”
“You were fine until you put your hand on my leg?”