She knew their situation was serious, but he didn’t have to be cold. “Are you upset about something?”
“Why do you think I’m upset?”
If he thought he was going to derail Shanti’s line of questioning with that trick, he was sadly mistaken. “That isnota denial.”
“Lawyers.” He stopped, turned to face her. “This is going to be the most dangerous part of our journey. The monsoon forest will eventually turn into fields, and we’ll lose our cover. Speed is survival, so there’s no time for pointless talk.”
There was a hard edge to his voice, his blue eyes cold like slate.
Shanti stared at him, stung by what felt like a rebuke. “Pointless talk? I asked because I care about you.”
“Care about getting home alive.” He turned and walked away.
She fell in behind him. “I do!”
Then their conversation last night came back to her.
I don’t feel bad about killing someone who’s trying to kill me or one of my clients. That’s my job. I kill when I have no choice, and I get paid to do it.
She’d noticed the change in his demeanor then, but she’d been too exhausted to make anything of it.
“I’m sorry if something I said last night hurt or upset you.”
He said nothing but kept moving.
“So, now you’re just going to clam up? Fine.”
Don’t worry about it now.
Fifty miles.
Only fifty miles to the border, and then…
She would fly back to The Hague, and he would head off to some other part of the world on another assignment. Life would return to normal.
But it wouldn’t.
After this—after Connor—nothing would be normal again.
Connor pushed ahead,trying to decide what made him hate himself more—the fact that he’d crossed a line and had sex with a client or the fact that he’d hurt her just now. She had reacted to his words as if he’d slapped her, staring up at him through wide amber eyes.
Son of a bitch!
If he’d kept his hands to himself and his dick in his pants, they wouldn’t be in this situation. Having sex with her had opened them both to emotions that had no place in the here and now. They were in a survival situation, for God’s sake.
I wouldn’t be alive right now if not for you, Connor. I don’t even know how to thank you. What you’ve done for me, risking your life and killing to keep me safe… It must be hard to carry the weight of their deaths, of killing.
Did she think he could have served in the Unit for a decade if he felt guilty about pulling the trigger? Why should he feel guilty for doing his job?
Youdofeel guilty—about the boy.
Connor thrust that thought aside. This was about Shanti, not Syria. It was about boundaries, doing his job, maintaining a professional distance from a client.
Even as he told himself this, he knew it wasn’t true. Some part of him had felt judged by her last night, and yet, she hadn’t meant it that way at all. She hadn’t said anything negative. She’d been trying to thank him and work through her feelings about what she’d seen. Instead of trying to understand, he’d shut her down.
You’ve been a dick.
He stopped, exhaled, turned to face her. “I’m not upset with you. You didn’t do or say anything wrong. You’ve done everything I’ve asked you to do. Got that?”