Noa walks past the cemetery border and gives me a nod. They are the only other person I have ever seen come around this side.
“Vero mentioned that you never do chases anymore. Well, besides the times with me.”
“I don’t.”
She glances up at me, and I hesitate. Genuine is not a mode I operate in, and I’m aware that is what she is waiting for.
“Why?”
I shrug. “They stopped being appealing. Running the systems interests me more than participating. Watching how people behave when they think they can let loose and escape from their normal lives tells me more than I can get from any chase.”
“You know what they say about people who watch others when they don’t know.”
I laugh. Kayla is calling me a stalker.
“It’s not stalking—it’s observing.”
She scoffs. “And what is the difference, smarty-pants?”
“Watching is only surface level. Observing is selective, deeper.”
“And what are you looking for when you observe exactly?”
I hold her gaze. “Whatever they are trying to hide.”
She doesn’t look away, and the corners of her mouth tilt up. “And what am I trying to hide?”
“I don’t know yet,” I say, which isn’t entirely true. “You’re harder to read than most people.”
“Is that a compliment from the almighty Ares?”
“Just an observation.”
She smiles as she looks back out across the cemetery. “The night you pulled me out of the grave... you didn’tstep in straight away.” My jaw tightens, but I don’t confirm or deny it. “You waited until the last possible second.”
“You were fine and didn’t need me.”
“I know I was fine—that isn’t what I’m saying. You waited on purpose, and I want to know why.”
This is the thing about Kayla that unsettles me—she notices a lot more than she lets on. “I wanted you to need me—it’s what I do. I create moments where I am needed. It’s an instinct. I am aware it’s not a good thing for other people, but I would have to actually care for that to affect me.”
She stays quiet, possibly shocked that I am giving her my truth. Yet she needs to learn this from me and not anyone else, since they all seem to fucking know it though only recently let it slip.
“So what you are saying is, you don’t care about me at all. You care about what I need from you.”
I shrug. “It’s not that simple, and I do it for everyone, not just you.”
“So you feel nothing for me at all?”
“I don’t know. And that’s the first time I have not known something about myself in a very long time.”
She looks at me, studying my face. “I don’t understand why feelings and needing people to need you can’t be separate.”
I don’t know how to explain this to her, so I stay silent.
“Let me ask you this,” she finally says. “If someone hurt Vero, Clay, or Brawley, how would you react?”
“I would fucking kill them,” I snap.