Her words feel like a threat, and I’m curious if she knows something, or if I’m just being paranoid. “If that’s what you wish to write about, I have no objections. Just keep it class appropriate.”
“Swell.” She snatches her notebook back. “That’s so helpful, Mr. Carter. I’m really looking forward to this assignment.”
She toddles off in the direction of the door and then turns around as if she forgot something. “By the way, this might not be the appropriate time to tell you this, but as I said, I’m leaving on a class trip.”
“What is it, Louisa?” I bite.
“I caught your pal Stella over there spying on you through your window Friday night. Just thought you should know. Toodles!”
CHAPTER THIRTY
STELLA
HOLY FUCKING SHIT.
Sebastian whips his head in my direction just as soon as Louisa leaves, and while I’m busy panicking about her vague threats, his thoughts seem to be in a different place entirely. He stands up and drags a hand through his hair, studying me.
“You saw me with Megan.”
I make a lame attempt to choke back my obvious emotion, but I know he can see right through me. “Yes, I saw you with her. And it wasn’t how Louisa described it. I mean, I was looking in the window, but Sybil’s boyfriend had just cheated, and—”
“Christ, Stella.” He comes to sit on the desk in front of me. “You should have told me. That’s why you ran off and ignored my calls?”
“Yes.” I force myself to acknowledge how stupid that sounds now. “But you ignored my texts.”
“Again, there are better ways to get my attention,” he scolds. “You had me thinking the worst all weekend.”
“How do you think I felt?” I protest. “I saw you with her, and you wouldn’t reply. Who is she to you?”
“She’s an… ex-girlfriend,” he admits. “She came to visit after I ran into an old friend last week, and he told her where I was. Nothing happened between us.”
“But she wanted it to,” I press.
“Yes,” he acknowledges. “Maybe. I don’t know what she wanted. But at the very least, I owed her an explanation.”
“For what?”
The muscle in his throat works, and it looks as though he’s recalling something painful, but I can’t be certain. “For kicking her out of my life without an explanation five years ago.”
I nearly choke on that statement. Without intending to, Sebastian has just confirmed that he’s capable of what I fear most. At some point, he could do the same to me. All the while, we’re both staring down a double barrel shotgun that is Louisa and my mother. Logically, I know the smart thing to do is call this thing off. But in my heart, I don’t know if I can, even if it means saving us both.
“Is that how things will end between us too?” I squeeze my hands together in my lap because all I really want to do is reach out and touch him. “Someday, I’ll just be another Megan?”
I want him to tell me it will be okay. I want his assurances that just because things are messy right now, it doesn’t change anything. We can find a way to be together, regardless. But the truth is, I still don’t know how he feels, and I desperately need him to throw me a life preserver.
“What do you want me to say?” He stands up and paces back to his desk as if this is the last thing he can be bothered to discuss at the moment.
“Say something.” I raise my voice. “Do you feel anything for me at all, or am I really just a toy?”
He doesn’t cave. Instead, he just stands there, leaning against his desk while I’m left to wait on the edge of a cliff. If I’m going to jump off it, I need to know he’s right there beside me.
“Fine.” I open my mouth and lay it all out for him. “I’ll go first. You want me to say it?”
“Stella, don’t,” he warns.
“I’m in love with you, asshole,” I shout.
“Love?” He throws the word back in my face with such contempt, it steals the breath from my lungs. “You don’t know what love is. You don’t even know who you are.”