Her eyes carved a path over my face, my clothes, my body language. She took it all in, and she didn’t like what she saw, but she would never admit it. “Lucian’s always had a thing for brunettes.” She curled a lock of hair around her finger. “Since me.”
I made a gesture to my own hair, intentionally flashing my wedding ring so that she would see. “He loved my hair. Especially the curls. Whenever I wore it curly, it drove him crazy.”
The smile on her lips faltered. Her hair was stick straight.
“I bet you were curious about me too.” She leaned forward. “The first woman in his life. That must be why you came here.”
My shoulder lifted in a dainty shrug. “Lucian never really spoke of you, to be frank. But I guess I was a little curious.”
I laughed, but Nessie didn’t.
My smile ebbed away, and I folded my hands together in my lap. “The truth is, ever since he told me about Dawson, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about him. I think about him often. About how I could have been a good mother to him, if I’d had the chance.”
“I was his mother,” Nessie snarled. “Not you.”
“Yes, that’s true,” I agreed. “Unfortunately.”
She was quiet, but her hospitality was wearing thin. I could tell she wanted to direct the conversation back to Lucian. She wanted to make me feel insecure in the time we had together. In the life we were only just beginning to build. But I wanted her to know that she never could.
“Things will be different with this baby.” I placed a hand over my stomach. “He will only ever know love.”
Nessie stared at my stomach, her eyes ablaze with rage and disbelief.
“I was thinking I’d name him after his father,” I added. “And his brother, for the middle name.”
“You can’t do that,” she spat.
I offered her a pacifying smile. “It’s what Lucian would have wanted.”
Her eyes cut into me, and she lowered her voice to a growl when she spoke. “You have no idea what he wanted.”
“I do actually.” I gestured to the guard, alerting them I was ready to leave. “It was me. It was always me.”
“IGUESS YOU’RE PROBABLY WONDERINGwhat I’m doing here,” Nolan said.
I wasn’t actually. Considering it was past noon and I was still in my pajamas and half-strung out from the lack of sleep, I didn’t really care what his reason was for being there. But out of politeness and respect for Lucian’s friend and mentor, I sat down across from him on the sofa and waited to hear him out.
Nolan crossed his legs and leaned back. “Lucian asked me to handle his affairs, after the fact.”
“Right,” I murmured.
That made sense. But again, I didn’t really care. Everything that Lucian had to give to me, he gave when he was alive. The rest were just details.
“He wanted to make sure you were provided for,” Nolan began. “So the bulk of his estate will belong to you with the exception of a few donations to some charities that he promised to contribute to.”
I noticed that Nolan didn’t have a will to read from. There was no briefcase. No tablet. And it upset me because I wanted to see Lucian’s words for myself.
“Shouldn’t there be paperwork?” I asked.
“It really wasn’t necessary,” Nolan answered. “Your name was on everything anyway. The details are just a formality he wanted you to know.”
My disappointment was evident. I wanted there to be something else. Something I could see for myself. I wanted every little piece of Lucian I could get. “When did he talk to you about this?”
Nolan cleared his throat. “As soon as the marriage was legal.”
A burning ache spread through my chest and up my throat. Without intending to, Nolan triggered a memory of that day. The day we were married, I hated Lucian West more than anything and swore I would screw him over at the first available opportunity. I’d read his contract, taking particular notice of the clause that stated if he died before the two years were up, I would be free.
I spitefully told him I wished that were the case. And now, the nastiness of that statement made me shrivel up inside. Even after every poisonous word I’d stabbed him with, Lucian wanted to provide a life for me. He wanted to believe I was still good. A sob broke free as I wrapped my arms around myself. Nolan looked distraught, but he didn’t seem to know what to do.