He looked stricken. His jaw went slack as horror crossed his face. But even though she’d bared her heart to him, she could not change his mind.
‘I want to become worthy of you,’ he said as he touched her face.
‘You are—’
‘I must prove myself, Lu-Jing.’ He flipped around to look back at London. ‘I have failed so many times. Don’t you see everything at stake here? My sisters’ dowries, my investors, the Prince Regent! I cannot disappoint them. I can barely look at myself in the mirror without recounting my failures.’
‘Count your successes instead. You found work for your brother-in-law. The first children’s book is out and doing well.’ She had purchased a copy herself and thought it wonderful. ‘You found investors who believe in you enough to give you their coin. What is that but a myriad of success?’
He nodded, but his gaze did not return to her face. ‘One more, Lu-Jing. One more success and I shall return to you. If you are still unattached, I will drop to my knees before you, I will shower you with treasure and I will marry you.’ He turned to look at her.‘I will do this. But I will not say I love you until I can feel worthy enough to stand by your side as your husband.’ She sighed. There was no changing his mind. Not without breaking him.
Three days later, he left with their full cargo. He meant to seek a market along the way in Africa or India. Then he would fill the hold on the return trip with the tea so loved by the English.
While she remained behind to silently fume.
For nineteen very long months.