True. Except… ‘I forgive you.’
She felt the impact of her words. His body tensed then released, and the shimmer in his eyes made her stroke his cheek.
‘You are not the man you were.’
He didn’t seem so sure of that. ‘I don’t want to hurt you ever again. If this venture doesn’t work…’ He gestured vaguely around them at the boat and their cargo.
‘Then you will find another way.’ All through this, his determination had never wavered. ‘But I don’t want to wait.’
‘Neither do I,’ he said, and she thought for a moment that they were of one mind in this. She thought he would take her to the new mattress, and she would feel all those things again. How she ached for him!
But he did not.
‘I must prove myself to you.’
He already had.
‘And to your father.’
She rolled her eyes. ‘I have lived without a father nearly all my life. What need have—’
He pressed his hand against her mouth, silencing her with a fierceness she didn’t expect.
‘Never say that again,’ he said, his expression gentle despite his harsh tone. ‘He is the best man I have ever met. He is the reason you are in England with a home, fine clothing and a dowry.’
‘I don’t have one yet,’ she said. ‘He won’t dower me until next Season.’ Resentment bubbled up inside her.
‘And…’ he said quietly, ‘I must prove to myself that I am worthy of you.’ He spoke with such severity, not directed at her, but at himself.
‘Isn’t that my decision?’ she pressed.
‘It is,’ he said. ‘But it is also mine.’
She stared at him, seeing that he was determined. She felt the heat of him pressed against her, and yet he still held himself back.
‘I have decided what I want,’ she said firmly. ‘I want you.’
‘Why? I have brought you nothing but pain.’
So many answers to that. Because he saw her, fought with her, and surrendered to her. Because he daily struggled to honour his family responsibilities at the cost of his own happiness. But in the end, there was only one answer.
‘Because I love you.’
He kissed her then with such fierceness that she became breathless. He thrust his tongue inside her, he stroked the inside of her mouth and he pulled her hard against his whole body. She felt his heat and his hunger, matching it with her own.
But that was all he did. He kissed her until she couldn’t breathe, and then he pulled away, dropping his forehead against hers as they breathed together.
‘I cannot say I love you,’ he finally whispered.
‘What?’
‘I cannot tell you that until I have proven myself. God, I wish you understood this. I want you.’ He ground himself against her as if she couldn’t feel how thick he was, how hungry they both were. ‘But you wouldn’t respect me if…’ He groaned. He couldn’t even say the words.
‘If you made love to me?’
He nodded. ‘I wouldn’t respect myself if I took your virginity now. And I don’t think I can stop myself.’ For proof, he slid his hands down her sides, his thumbs grazing across her breastswhile she gasped in reaction. ‘I will not dishonour you,’ he said, his words harsh.
‘I don’t feel dishonoured,’ she snapped. ‘I feel…’ What? Frustrated. Hungry. And precious. What other man would deny himself when she stood there offering everything? No other man but Cedric. ‘You are so frustrating!’