He sighed and the sound filled their tiny space with despair. ‘It doesn’t matter what I feel, Lucy. It cannot be.’
‘But—’
‘You are young in this.’ He tried to sit up again, but she still held him down. And she kept holding him while he spoke words that hurt. The only reason she listened was because they were also true. ‘You have never been free like you are now. You will go to London as the daughter of a wealthy, titled man. You will meet dozens of men. You might even fall in love with one of them.’
‘I am in love with you.’
She felt his body react to her words. Shock. Pain. Not revulsion, as far as she could tell. But he didn’t welcome it, and that was agony enough.
‘You don’t know what that is, Lucy,’ he finally said. His voice was tight, his body even more so. ‘You will have opportunities you’ve never had before. You cannot know what they are or how you will feel in a month or a year. Especially after you’ve had a Season.’
‘I do not care about that. I know what I feel now. Don’t you feel it, too?’ A plaintive note had entered her voice, a desperate hope that he wanted her as much as she wanted him.
‘I care. And I know.’ His breath seemed ragged, but he kept speaking anyway, his words harsh with self-condemnation. ‘I know that I have hurt you. I did not mean to, and I am so deeply sorry for that. I thought…’ He exhaled. ‘I was wrong. And this…this conversation does us no good.’
She swallowed, hurt making her voice brittle. ‘I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to fix it.’
He snorted. ‘Fix it? My God, what do you think I’ve been doing all my life? I’m trying to fix my family’s problems! I’m trying to—’
‘Listen!’ she hissed as she squeezed his shoulders. ‘Didn’t you hear what Grace said? She needs more time.’
‘Yes—’
‘And so do you. You have been gone a long time. What if your sisters have found their own solution? What if things aren’t as bad as you thought?’
‘I don’t know how that would be possible.’
Men! Sometimes they could be so stupid.
‘Are they smart women?’
‘Of course they are.’
‘Then they know better than to wait for someone else to save them. They will have found a solution of their own.’
He was silent a long moment, clearly thinking. But in the end, he shook his head. ‘I don’t see how that is possible.’
‘Did you see me sitting in your bed here?’
He jolted. ‘Of course not!’
‘Then perhaps you do not see everything you should.’
He snorted, amused despite the seriousness of the conversation.
‘We will dock soon,’ she said.
‘I know.’
‘Grace needs more time.’
‘I know,’ he said, irritation in the words.
‘Use the time to go home. Go see your clever sisters and discover how they have solved their problem.’
He blew out a slow breath. ‘I suppose it’s possible.’ Hope had entered his tone, and she smiled to hear it.
‘Then afterwards,’ she said as she stroked her fingers across his lips. ‘Come find me and see what clever solution I have found.’