Chapter Fourteen
Lucy hid herself away in Cedric’s berth. She knew he would come down here eventually. Knew too that this was the only way she could speak privately to him. Grace would spend the night in the crow’s nest, trying to sort through her thoughts after that disaster of a proposal. Lucy had seen her father retire for the night. No one would know that Lucy hid herself in the pitch-black corner of Cedric’s bed until he came in.
She waited in silence, feeling and hearing his foul mood. No man liked being refused. And the way he stormed into his room made her fear he’d wake her father.
His emotions blew through him quickly, his only violence done to himself when he banged his elbow against a crate. He cursed then, quickly and efficiently. But in time, he pulled himself together and maneuvered into his berth.
She had placed herself very specifically there, and it was no surprise to her when he dropped backwards into her lap.
He, however, was shocked into sputtering. ‘Wh-ahh!’
‘Shhhh. You’ll wake my father.’
‘Lucy! You should not be here!’
‘And where else should I be when you have worked so hard to avoid me? I have been waiting for a private word with you, but—’
‘Damn it, Lucy, there is no point. This only tortures us both.’
There was a wealth of meaning in his words, but what Lucy focused on was that he felt as tortured as she. Which meant he had feelings for her. How deep those feelings were, she didn’t know. But that was why she was here.
‘I wouldn’t have to resort to these things if you weren’t such an idiot.’
He tried to sit up, but she held him down with both hands on his shoulders. This was a very small space, and she liked him exactly where he was. And he was too much of a gentleman to fight her. One of them would certainly get hurt.
‘I’m not an idiot,’ he huffed. ‘I’m trying to do what’s right. I can’t marry you. My family—’
‘Needs the money. Yes, I know. You’ve told me.’
‘So why—’
‘Hush,’ she said as she pressed her fingers to his mouth. ‘Listen to me.’
He quieted because he had no choice. And she took a moment to relish the feel of his lips against her fingers and the weight of his head in her lap. It was a casual position despite the tension between them. And neither of them could distract themselves with each other’s bodies. She would need to fold herself in half to effectively kiss him. And he would have to drag her down his body and twist her around somehow for anything that they both would enjoy.
That too was by design, though part of her regretted it. Especially since they had the time for an intimate encounter, and she missed his hands on her body.
She refocused her attention on what she wanted to say. Unfortunately, some of her irritation came out instead. ‘I have had to sit for weeks, watching in misery while you courted my sister for her dowry. And now—finally—she has refused you—’
‘It wasn’t a refusal,’ he groused. ‘She said she needed more time.’
Lucy winced, though she’d known that would be her sister’s response. She had spoken with Grace about it nearly every day and night since the man had begun courting her. She knew her sister felt no strong passion for Cedric. At least nothing like what Lucy felt, but that mattered little to either woman.
They had both been raised to expect little from life. They had been taught that passion was a danger that always ended in tragedy. And that the best any girl could hope for was a man who treated them kindly.
Cedric was a kind man. Even more than that, he was honourable. If he were less honourable, Lucy would not be a virgin right now. Which meant he was a good husband candidate for them both.
The two women had dissected every one of Grace’s encounters with him, from the way he climbed the sails to his grumbles when he didn’t remember which kind of knot went where. They discussed his finances and their own. And they examined every minute detail of his character that they could discern.
Fortunately, Grace had spent hours every day with him, so there was plenty to discuss. Which allowed Lucy to keep silent about what she had done with him. Her experiences were too intimate, too intense for her to confess.
And so Grace was ignorant of Lucy’s feelings, which was exactly how Lucy wanted it. If Grace chose him, then she would not stand in her sister’s way. She loved Grace that much.
But her sister was undecided, and now they were out of time. The ship would make port in an hour, and Lucy wanted one last private discussion with him. So she needed to be brave and say exactly what was on her mind.
Still, it was hard, so damned hard to bare her heart.
‘What I feel for you is powerful,’ she whispered. ‘It does not fade and…’ She decided to use his word. ‘It tortures me. Don’t you feel that too?’