“Neither do I,” he admitted. “But if ever I felt the need to get completely foxed—”
“It is tonight.” Her lips twisted into a wry smile. “I think I already am.”
“If so, then you are remarkably composed.”
She had been looking at the food in her hand, but at his words, she finally looked straight at him. Her eyes were red and still sheened with tears. Her shoulders were slumped in defeat, and yet she resolutely chewed and swallowed her food as if it held the answer to all her problems.
“Shall I call for water?” he asked.
She shook her head and took the glass of wine. “I don’t want anyone else to see me like this.” Then she smiled. “I don’t wantyouto see me like this.”
“You’ve never looked more beautiful.” He meant it. She looked resilient, and that was powerful indeed.
“Then I have looked woefully bedraggled whenever we met before.”
He smiled. “You know that’s not true.”
She didn’t answer except to take another delicate bite of cheese. He ate as well. He’d drunk a great deal of ale on her behalf. He needed something else in his stomach. But as he chewed, he couldn’t help but imagine what it would be like to eat with her every night. Her hair was a tangled mess, her cheeks were ruddy from her tears, and yet he was seeing how the candlelight made her skin glow gold. He saw the curve of her neck, the length of her spine, and the sweet movement of her mouth.
So beautiful.
“Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked.
“What?”
“You look like…You look…” Her words failed her.
“I am thinking that you are beautiful. That I want to make love to you.” Honest words loosened by wine. Or maybe spoken aloud because he wanted her to know.
She frowned. “You want me as your mistress?”
He laughed. “I want you every way I can have you, Lilah.” Damnation, his clothing was already uncomfortably tight, but he didn’t move from his place on the opposite side of the bed even as his fantasies made him ever more uncomfortable.
He watched as her nostrils flared and her cheeks darkened with heat. The way she looked at him made his blood pulse.
“I am not a man to be ruled by my lusts,” he said gently, though desire pounded in his veins. “I will not dishonor you that way.”
She pulled another morsel of bread from the roll, but she didn’t eat it. Instead, she just looked at it. “And what if I wanted you to?”
Lord, how she tempted him.
“My reputation is already gone,” she said. “I was a bastard before. Now I am a bastard who gambled and lost a monkey, then spent the night in a brothel.”
He acknowledged the truth with a shrug. Though the Lyon’s Den was not known as a brothel, there were rooms above the main den for that purpose. And even if they left right now—which they couldn’t—Lilah had already spent enough time here to destroy her respectability.
“Shouldn’t I do the crime,” she asked, “if I am already damned by it?”
“If you think lovemaking is a crime, then you are sorely misinformed.”
She arched a brow at him. And wasn’t that the most devilishly sexy sight? “Perhaps I need someone to enlighten me.”
And perhaps he wanted to do exactly that with a pounding drive, but he still didn’t move. “Lilah,” he said, startled by how husky the word sounded. “Tonight is not the night to make such decisions.”
She laughed and threw up her hands. “Then tell me, my lord, exactly when I should make such a choice? Back when I am at home, an unpaid housekeeper whose days are filled with Lady Byrn’s needs, and whose nights are empty and dull? Or perhaps you mean when I begin a fruitless search for a husband among the less-than-elite? Do you think a barrister will have me now? I tell you, even the lowest fishmonger will reject me now.”
“You underestimate—”
“Don’t say it!” she interrupted. “Don’t lie there in your shirt sleeves not an hour since you rejected me and say that I have some mysterious appeal! I do not! I have not! I am—”