“I will give you—”
“No!” She had made her choice to gamble. She would accept the results of her mistake. “I will live with Lady Byrn until I am shriveled and gray.”
He chuckled against her temple. “I think you will be very attractive shriveled and gray. I think you will still be full of life then and even if you are not married, you will be managing those around you such that everything moves smoothly and is allowed to grow to absolute perfection.”
She snorted. “You have a romantic mindset.”
“You have a practical mindset.” He tucked her closer against him. “I posit that we fit together very well.”
There was no doubt about that. Their legs were intertwined, their hips and sides were pressed tight. If she tilted her head a few degrees, she could press her lips against his chin. And if he tipped his head down, they would be kissing.
“A practical person would not have risked everything on tonight’s gamble,” she said.
“That’s what made it so brave.”
“I lost,” she said again. And the two words felt like they imprinted themselves ever deeper in her soul every time she thought it, and every time she said the words aloud.
“Take it from someone who is perpetually tilting at windmills. Yes, you lost, but the effort was worthwhile nonetheless.”
She thought about that. She tried to take his words and make them her own. She tried to feel like she’d done something more than throw everything away.
She couldn’t do it. “I shall never, ever do something so foolish again.”
“Hmmmm. I think you will,” he said gravely. “It may take you some time, but you will take another leap.”
“Never,” she vowed. And she meant it. She couldn’t withstand this kind of failure again. Her heart wouldn’t take it.
“Aren’t you the woman who boldly asked me to marry her during a masquerade party?”
She snorted. “You refused.”
“I’m here, aren’t I? You caught my attention, and that is something that is very hard to do.”
She lifted up onto her elbow to look him in the eye. Her vision swam and her head felt heavy, but she waited it out until she could see the way he looked at her. “I wanted…Iwanta husband.”
His free hand stroked her arm, the caress seemed casual, but she felt it all through her body. “You want stability. A home, a family, and the respect that comes from having an aristocratic husband.”
She couldn’t deny it. “But you want love.”
He winced. “I do not. I’m simply aware that sometimes it happens.”
She searched his face, wondering how he could still seem so handsome to her. She saw strength in his face, kindness in his eyes, and a sexy tease with his mouth. “Could you not find a way to love me?” she whispered. “I could love you.”
The wine had loosened her tongue. Indeed, the whole evening had turned her upside down and inside out. But she still had the wherewithal to temper her words. She couldn’t say that she loved him. Only that she might. She couldn’t declare her feelings, only that she wanted to. When inside, she knew with startling clarity that she had long since fallen in love with him. He was everything that was noble in a man, and if he would only soften the tiniest bit, she would be his faithful wife until the day she died.
“The day after our kiss at the masquerade,” he said softly, “I went to see Sayres. I told him that I had ruined you and was forced to marry you.”
She blinked. “What?”
He nodded, his expression wistful. “That was how deeply you impressed yourself upon me. One kiss, and I was prepared to throw everything away for you.”
She straightened off him. “What?”
He nodded, his expression wistful.Wistful!When he was talking about handing her everything she had ever wanted. “But I had to go to my father’s bedside. I left the very day, so I asked Sayres to keep you safe, to watch over you until I could come back and claim you.”
Now she was sitting fully upright, and she pressed a hand to her temple. She couldn’t believe this was real. The man she’d dreamed about had wanted her! “Sayres did everything he could to introduce me to eligible bachelors,” she rasped.
“I know.” His hand dropped down to the coverlet. “He lied to me, but he was right to do it.”