He touched her cheek, stroking away the tears she hadn’t even realized were falling. “So many people are afraid to risk. You made a bold move. You believed in yourself and made the leap. I find that inspiring.”
“Ilost.”
“I know.”
“I losteverything.”
He didn’t argue with her. He didn’t tell her that she still had her health, her home. She still had friends and family who loved her. She had so much, and yet all she could think was that she had nothing left.
“I have five hundred pounds,” he said to her. “I will give it to you.”
Nice of him, but not the point. She was trying to win the registry office. Another five hundred pounds meant nothing if she couldn’t use it to gamble against Mr. Palmer. “I made this choice,” she said to herself. “I knew this could happen.” But she hadn’t really thought it would. She had a better memory than even her bluestocking sister Gwen. She could do calculations in her head. And she had a good understanding of the higher levels of mathematics. She could certainly hold her own against a drunkard like Mr. Palmer.
Such had been her thinking, but obviously, the man held his liquor well. Plus he had a good memory and a savant’s ability with calculation. And she…she had made a mistake. She had thought wrong was wrong. She had thought so many stupid, ridiculous things.
“Stop it.” Aaron’s hard voice brought her out of her own thoughts.
“What?”
“You’re blaming yourself. You’re going over it all again in your head.”
Her chin lifted as her gaze met his. “Yes.”
“Stop it.”
“But—”
“You can’t change it. You miscalculated. You lost.”
She winced and when she would have looked away, he touched her chin and held her gaze with his own.
“It does no good to chastise yourself now.”
“If not now, then when?”
He shrugged, his mouth curving into a sloppy smile. “I have no idea. Except that you can’t be angry at yourself for doing something I admire. It makes things clash in my head.”
She felt herself echo his smile. Then she pressed her hand to his cheek. “My head is swimming.”
“Mine, too.” Then he frowned. “Food is coming.”
“May I lie down until it gets here?”
“May I lie with you?” he asked. “There’s only the one bed.”
She nodded, and he placed his hand on the edge of the bed as he shoved himself upright. He wavered there slightly, and she frowned. “How much ale did you drink?”
“Too much.” He dropped down on the mattress, adjusted his large body until his head on was on the pillow, then stretched out his arms to her. “Come here. We’ll rest together.”
An excellent idea. After all, she’d spent a year wondering what it would feel like to rest in his arms. She crawled carefully up the mattress and settled against him. He was large, he was warm, and he cradled her like she was the most precious thing in the world.
She’d lost everything.
Grief hit her broadside, burying her beneath a tide of regret and shame. What had she been thinking?
“It’s all right,” he whispered against her forehead. “We’ll figure out something new for you.”
“Without money? Without resources?”