“Language.”
“Sorry,” I say to Selma with a smile. “Mind if I smoke this on the porch? You can get the kids up if you want to make them breakfast.”
“Sure, Tylee. Take a load off. I’ll get the kids.”
I don’t feel free until I’m sitting on the front steps of Selma’s double-wide trailer. Bench gave her plenty of money to get a house for herself, but she has a little bit of a drinking problem which has caught up to her over the years. Oh, Selma. She’s easy to understand, honestly. I don’t want to end up like her, but the longer you stay around those men, the higher chance you have of getting screwed over and left behind.
I’ve seen it happen in my family. I never let Isaac get out of sight much and since we were kids he’s been loyal to me. It doesn’t mean anything. Men only need the opportunity to break their vows to a woman. If Isaac had been in my position at any point throughout our relationship, he would have never had the moral fiber to stay loyal. I don’t believe that for a second. Men are stupid opportunists and right now I have to use that to my advantage.
Fuck, it’s good to have a cigarette and take a break from all the shit going on. I need to send a few text messages without having Selma breathing down my neck. I trust her only as much as I need to trust her, honestly. She really believes in her kids and even if Isaac’s father screwed her over more than anyone else ever has, she still believes in love and marriage.
She doesn’t want me to lose Isaac when it’s always been the other way around: Isaac has always been afraid of losing me. I’m sure right now wherever he is, he regrets not listeningto me. When he understands that life without me means seeing his kids once a year at most, he’ll come around.
This whole situation with Damara isn’t worth all the fuss he’s making over it anyways. I open up my phone and type three simple words in.
Tylee: MIL will help.
He takes longer than five minutes to reply, which means I have to slow down on the cigarette. Selma hates the smoke and I don’t want her coming near me. Isaac is such a dick for holding the Damara thing over my head, talking all this bullshit about patterns of behavior and how it wasn’t just the one thing.
As if I should just forgive him for gambling and lying about money. I apologized to Damara, and Magnum doesn’t seem to have a problem with me. My own husband wants to make a big deal out of it. Everything makes me an unfit mother, but he can gamble and spend half his time fixing bikes and beating people up – that’s fucking fine.
Finally.My phone buzzes. A rush hits me whenever I see his name pop up on my phone. Well, his nickname. It feels good to have someone who understands me in a way my husband doesn’t seem to anymore. It all clicked for me when I listened toFate of Opheliafor the first time. If I don’t change something in my life, I’m going to end up another dead biker.
Scum: Perfect.
Scum: When can I see you?
What does he want me to do with that question? If we see each other again, anything could happen. It’s not a good time for me to fall into another entanglement, even if I can keep my feelings out of it.
Tylee: Are you in Joplin?
Scum: St. Louis. Need you.
This reply comes quicker and my heart skips a beat knowing that I have his attention. I wonder what he’s wearing right now, if anything. But I’m not sure I want to commit to Saint Louis. I mindlessly put the tip of my cigarette in my mouth and nearly burst a lung coughing. I didn’t realize I was finished with it. Grossed out by the experience, I toss it on the ground and reach around the bottom of the stairs for any secret packs.
Smokes are predictable that way and I find an old pack of Seneca brand cigarettes – most likely from some gas station in Erie, Pennsylvania, so from one of Selma’s other kids. Nothing Isaac smokes or has ever smoked, thank goodness.
My second smoke doesn’t make the answers more forthcoming. I just don’t know what will work. What if Isaac gets a bunch of money from his cousin and that changes things. What if he pulls his head out of his ass and realizes that I’m the best he’s ever going to get?
Keeping my options feels better than tying myself down. If I have to do something about the kids, Selma wouldn’t mind holding onto them for a few months. It might be hard with the little one, but there’s always baby formula. As long as Isaac doesn’t get them.
Tylee: Need to get rid of the kids for the night.
Scum: I don’t care about the kids.
Scum: I want you.
If I convince Selma I’m doing something out of mycharacter but aligned with what she wants from me, she’ll agree to take the kids for the night. I don’t think they have church services at night or I would pretend to go to one of those. Maybe I’ll tell her I want to wait tables to earn money for the kids. It would be reasonable to suggest that the better jobs would be in Saint Louis.
I’m giddy and want to make him wait for a response, but I just can’t.
Tylee: How bad
Scum: Bad enough to burn shit down
Tylee: Ok
Scum: I miss eating your sweet pussy